Wednesday, December 10, 2014

That's Life

I Owe You Nothing

I was born from stars


Monday, November 17, 2014

Don't Let Me Go

Tonight I'll write a sad song,
I wish I wasn't always wrong.
I wish it wasn't always my fault.
But the finger that you're pointing,
Has knocked me on my knees.

And all you need to know is I'm so sorry. This isn't like me.
It's maturity that I'm lacking.
But you'll let me go.
And we'll both know, that growing up goes slow.

I wonder what my mom and dad would say,
If I told them that I cry each day?
But it's hard enough to live so far away.
I wish I wasn't always cold.
I wish I wasn't always alone.
When the party is over,
How will I get home?

And all you need to know is I'm so sorry. This isn't like me.
It's maturity that I'm lacking.
But you'll let me go.
And we'll both know, that growing up goes slow.

I guess all the rules were made to bend. And you swore you were my friend....
But now I have to start all over again. Cause no one's going to take your place, And I'm scared I'll never save
All the pieces of a love we made.

And I'm so sorry, it's not like me.
It's maturity that I'm lacking.
But don't, don't let me go!
Just let me know that I can slip and fall And you won't let me go!
Just let me know that growing up goes slow.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Water Proof Mascara

Woke up again last night,
4:45 Am
You're still gone.
But you felt so real.
So warm and safe at my side.
Your old pillow still tricking me into believing you'll be there when I wake up.
My brain still teasing me that you won't really stay gone.
What a way to start my Monday.
My heart longing and my arms empty.
You promised, to always be there to chase away the nightmares.
I dread falling asleep.
I never know if you'll be in my dreams or not.
And I don't know what's worse.

I need to find a me without you.
I know.
I want to wake up one day with no sweat and tears.
I want to spend a day not wondering if my water proof mascara works.

But you still linger within me.
Tearing me up in my most vulnerable moments.
And I can't get you to believe in my sincerity.

What a way to start a Monday.
I wonder if my water proof mascara works...

Friday, July 18, 2014

Your Voice

I hear your voice, whispering plans in my ear.
My eyes slant sideways to view you,
while the corner of my mouth quirks up.
I could listen to you speak all day.
Your words and meanings rumble through me,
ribbons of safety curling around my soul.
Warming me up from the inside,
happiness dripping off my skin.
I never want this morning to end.
Lay your head against my chest and read to me the simplest story.
I will live and die in moments like this.
The sun flowing through the window, with a promise of things to do.
But I'm not ready to give in just yet.
I'll run my fingers through your hair, and kiss your temple.
You don't see me falling deeply.
 But I am here....
I am in this moment, and it will stay with me.
Carrying me through the bad days.
The world is a storm.
But all I hear is your voice, saying the silliest things, filling me with hope, carrying me along.
Your whispers hot against my skin.
They bring me home again.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

I've told the tale, oh so many times.

Divine secrets revealing
a tempest inside my heart,
slowly compelling lunacy within me.
It's all wrong. It's all wrong.
Oh it's so right.
Every little look gets my little smile.
My heart races and leaps.
It wants to win this race.
I stand before you, with my layers making me hot.
You whisper a single word
and I'm naked and shivering.
I don't understand how it's possible.
Just one look and my secrets are laid bare.
No matter how I try to cover my skin
you see my me naked and glistening.
I don't know this feeling.
And I am so scared.
Do you hear these words?
Can you feel my wounds deep within?
I'm bleeding out before you.
I know one day you'll go away
And I'll have to carry this love on my own.
Because I've fallen in love with your ways.
You're living in a different world than me.
And we are dancing around that truth so carefully.
In my hands lay the cold memories.
I hear you whisper my name.
Ghostly longing.
But there is nothing but silence now.
Is this our farewell?
These are the darkest clouds to have surrounding me.
I'm alone in this cage, and there are no flowers to cling to.
You know everyone with a smiling face holds a dark secret within.
And there is nothing to make you stay,
since you sold your heart away.
I've told the tale so many times,
of the love not meant to be.
About a blonde flame,
a hurricane.
Seeking the harbor of your safe arms.
To love me, not what you need me to be.
But purely for who I am.
A songstress luring you into passionate depths.
The girl with the golden eyes melting the ice in her heart.
The dreamer trapt in her longings.
The tree outside your window, strong and rooted, with beautiful leaves watching over you.
I could go on forever in this world.
You tried not leaving me alone,
but there is no other way for us.
Enchanted I will have to stay
Till you have your reason to breathe me into life.

One day, Some day.

Saturday would have been my 11 year wedding anniversary.
 June 21st, 2003 4:10am
Tonight is the 11 year anniversary of my husband asking me to marry him.
It's a silly story, that I love.
Because I loved my husband, and our life together.
But instead of reliving those happy moments and planning gifts for my boys, I'm staring at divorce papers.
I'm struggling to grasp the enormity of the life we made coming to an end.
On my anniversary, instead of remembering our first night together, I am trying to erase the mental image of my husband with other women.
Instead of reveling in the warmth of my husband's unending love for me, I am trying to understand how it vanished without a trace.

I am trying to comprehend the unthinkable.

One day, some day, this won't be so traumatic.
One day, some day, this pain will fade.
But right now it's a knife wound in my soul, sawing away at all of the pretty pictures in my heart.
One day, some day, I'll be excited for a fresh chance at life. A fresh chance to love someone who won't lie to me.
One day, some day, I will love being on my own, and being able to be slightly selfish.
But right now I am terrified of being hurt again. I am terrified of the monsters under the bed.
One day, some day, I will be so proud of the strength I found in myself. To pick up the pieces of my life, and carry on.
One day, some day, I will look back at this as a bump in the road.
But right now I feel weak. I can't stop crying. And this feels like a mountain I'll never get over.

One day, some day, I will be thankful for the friends who tell me I'm worth more.
One day, some day, I'll appreciate all they did to help me emerge from my pity parties.
Bur right now, I am angry they don't have the perfect words to give me back the man I thought I knew.
One day, some day, I will feel like myself again. 
One day, some day, I won't be a trauma victim.
But right now, is not that day.
How do we move on?

"One foot after the other.
One small step after another."

Saturday, May 17, 2014

I shouldn't hate you, but I kinda do.

I hate you.
Right now, in this moment, I hate you.
I look at the messes you left me with, and I despise you for being weak and a coward.
I despise you for being a liar.
I hate how think you hide it from everyone.
I hate how you blame everyone else.
I hate that you are too much of a bastard to look at yourself closely and admit what you've done.
I hate how you'll be an example our son grows up seeing.
I hate how you can minimize all of your mistakes.
And blow off all of our special moments as being stupid.
I hate that you only bother to see the bad times and none of the good.
I hate that you viewed our marriage as optional and not permanent.
But I hate you for thinking of me as forgettable. As a second place citizen.
It makes you no better than anyone else.

And I hate me the most for thinking you were better.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Erasable Miss

Look at me when you tell the world I’m not real.
Stare me in the eyes when you insist I no longer exist.
Erase me from your future, but you can’t remove me from the past.
One day memories of me will haunt you.
Follow you around and whisper in your ear:
“Stupid boy. What have you done?”
You’ll hate yourself, when you look for the photos and they are gone.
Nothing left to fill your empty cup.
You screamed that I had no idea who I was.
Over and Over until your forced yourself to believe it.
To ease your guilt at making me an erasable  entity.
But it’s you who doesn’t know.
You who emulate those of us who shine too brightly.
Until you sicken yourself with your own inadequacy.
The moment when who you really are starts to stare back at you in the mirror, you find a way to pass the blame.
But erasing me won’t make you the person you want to be.
Learning that lesson might destroy you.
But what can I do to help?
Since I don’t exist to you….

Thursday, March 27, 2014

What do you know about breaking down that I don't?

"Do you want to run away together?"
I would say that was your best line ever.
Too bad I fell for it.
The radio's playin old country songs.
Someone's leavin. Someone's cheatin.
On and on.
I think I might like
the quiet nights of this empty life.
Someday maybe
Somebody will love me like I need.
And someday I'll have nothing to prove
cause somebody will see all my worth.
But until then I'll do just fine on my own.
I think that maybe the thing that I did wrong
was put up with this bullshit for way too long.
I'm not gonna sleep cause I don't want to dream
about the things that I used to need.
I'm not gonna go on living on lies.
I think I might just cry.
I've been wrong but
I've been changing.
And I have been wondering what to do.
Here I am alone and waiting for you.
You don't make this easy you know?
Tryin to tell you what's on my mind.
It's a complicated web,
that you weave inside my head.
Not enough pleasure for all the pain.
It's always just the same.
It's been awhile since I begged for anything.
But now I want more.
So lay me down, cause I'm so lonely.
You don't understand me,
and you never really tried to anyways.
You say that you don't want to hurt me,
That you don't want to see me cry.
So then, why are you still standing here
watching me drown?
You not making up your mind
Is not only killing me but it's
wasting time.
And I need so much more than that.
Do you ever really give up?
Cause I know not to believe anything you say.
And I guess it's just my luck
cause no one else I know gets treated this way.
But I never speak up.
I just try to stay out of the way.
And I wanna know what makes you act like this?
Cause I don't think I can take this shit.
And I walked all this way
waiting for you to catch up and take my hand.
But you just write me off.
Do you know that I cry over you?
But it's not the good kind.
And I am so tired of hiding behind these lying eyes.
And I am so sick of this smile that not even I can
And I keep thinking...
What do you know, at this point, about breaking down that I don't?

Monday, September 2, 2013

Hello Lovers.

Miss me? I know, it's been awhile since I checked in. I have been busy with life, as I am sure you understand.
I want to welcome you all, especially you Moms and soon to be Mothers, to my new blog:
                                         Miss Doula
I appreciate any and all of your support as I chronicle my life as a birth Doula here in Sacramento, California.
If you have any of your own Birth stories that you would like to share, I would love to have you guest post on my new Blog. Home births, Hospital Births, C-Sections, whatever your birth was I would love to share it. Thank you all for your continued love and support. I can't wait to hear more from you.

Monday, April 15, 2013

How could we have known.

Who knew?
Second chances happen.
Who knew?
It could be you.
Who knew?
My heart could race so fast.
Who knew?
It would be your smile.
Who knew?
Once again I'd be pining for you from far away.
Who knew?
All of a sudden I'm fifteen and I'm wishing you'll hold my hand and kiss me under the stars.
Who could have even guessed life would make such a circle?
My hands shake.
My heart races.
My cheeks flush.
My head doesn't know if it should run to or away from you.Who knew?

Lost in my day dreams.
I shudder, and my mind clears.

But my longing for you returns so swiftly.
Your lips on my skin.
So soft and wet.
A feeling that resonates in my mind and shatters my self-control.
Emotions rise to the surface and move me to action.
I need to see you now.

Feel your body do things to mine that
I can't express in words.
Oh just fill me up!
I'm a flame.
But with you I'm burning brighter, hotter.
Stand so close and burn with me.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Gluten free Tacos

Gluten free Tacos by WhimsicalMiss
Gluten free Tacos, a photo by WhimsicalMiss on Flickr.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Family Lunch

Family Lunch by WhimsicalMiss
Family Lunch, a photo by WhimsicalMiss on Flickr.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Sleepy Baby

Sleepy Baby by WhimsicalMiss
Sleepy Baby, a photo by WhimsicalMiss on Flickr.

He didn't have strength to get dressed after his bath. Just fell asleep on me wrapped in towels.

Sick Baby

Sick Baby by WhimsicalMiss
Sick Baby, a photo by WhimsicalMiss on Flickr.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Bubble Bath!!

Bubble Bath!! by WhimsicalMiss
Bubble Bath!!, a photo by WhimsicalMiss on Flickr.

While my sick child is safely amused by the iPod, I'm luxuriating in a milk-lavendar-chamomile hot bubble bath.
Calgon Take Me Away.

Saturday, December 22, 2012


Me by WhimsicalMiss
Me, a photo by WhimsicalMiss on Flickr.

Self Portait with PicsArt

Thursday, December 20, 2012


MissCookies by WhimsicalMiss
MissCookies, a photo by WhimsicalMiss on Flickr.

So decadent!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Off To School

Off To School by WhimsicalMiss
Off To School, a photo by WhimsicalMiss on Flickr.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Gloriously Created Gifts! -Etsy Shop Review

I am quite blessed in having friends who are creative, and I love that they are using to showcase their wonderful creations.
Today I am going to share with you Gloriously Created Gifts  , an Etsy shop that is owned by a very dear and personal friend of mine.

I was lucky enough to be able to receive 2 of her hand made Victorian necklaces to review.

The First One:

Beautiful Victorian Necklace with 

Mirror and Heels 

on 30 inch chain Handmade

I love the scroll work on the back of this mirror, and I absolutely love the shoes. 
I also love that it's a REAL mirror!!
My other favorite part is the long chain. I adore long necklaces, and this one is so perfect.
It's simple enough that I can pair shorter necklaces with it.
And yet it's also whimsical enough to be worn alone. 
I have received many compliments when I wear this necklace.
My favorite was from a Woman at Target who said it reminded her of some of the 
vintage pieces she inherited from her Grandmother.

The Second One:

Adorable little Bronze 

Victorian Scissors with floral accents

                                    Any pictures for this necklace REALLY do not do it justice. 

I love the intricate detail. You'll find yourself quite surprised that the scissors don't open!
(Sorry about my wrinkled Scrubs)
But you can see just how long the chain is!
(Have I mentioned just how much I LOVE long necklaces?!)
As you can see, the scissors are just big enough to be eye catching, but not so big as to be cumbersome.
That is something else I should mention, each necklace is very light weight. 
For as long and noticeable as each piece is, they are both light enough to not notice when you wear them.
Even the clasp has it's own fairy tale-esque quality!
She really captures fun and whimsy in the pieces she creates.

The first necklace would be a great gift for a Hair Stylist, Makeup Artist, or Esthetician in your life.
The second would make the perfect present for anyone you know who does hobbies such as Scrapbooking, or Quiliting!

Please go and check out my dear friend's Etsy Shop and order a piece for you or a friend!

Her handmade Vintage inspired gifts will truly make your friends and family feel special and one of a kind!
And don't forget to include something for yourself. 
She is adding new pieces all the time, and somethings she will make only once, so make sure to buy it before it's gone!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Mother Dearest,

Well you just couldn't let it go could you? You couldn't just call me and have it out, you had to keep being that traitorous knife in the back. You left your comment FOR ME, on someone else's blog, just so you could post it anonymously. Do you realize how childish that is? Do you think that gives you plausible deniability? Pretty much every blogger worth their words knows how to track an IP address. Consider that next time.

Since YOU chose to drag this on then let's get it all out on the table. You seem to think that the way YOU remember things is the only right way. But one thing you should have learned in your 50+ years is that No matter how flat you make a pancake there are always 2 sides.

Your comment was:
Bill and I, your sister, your 2 brothers helped you out when you were abandoned by your husband and your in-laws. We sold expensive items that we owned to help you come here. Your whole family pitched in and helped you out and then when you wanted your cheating husband to come here, we excepted your decision and tried to help him get a job, but as usual he didn't want to work. We reasoned with you two saying that you had to put Caden first and since Seth was the man of the house he needed to get a job and since you had your cna license that we would help you find work, hopefully part-time. We were all willing to take care of Caden, we love him so much and it tore our hearts out because you didn't want to work or stay, so you packed up and left as fast as you can without letting me or anyone else say goodbye. Your brothers and sister tracked you down as fast as they could so that they could say goodbye to Caden. You mooched money off everyone that you could using Caden to win peoples hearts so you could get back to California. Then you never let me have contact with Caden again. Why are you so angry when I worked so hard for you kids. I worked 4 jobs out in California so that you could eat and have a decent roof over your head. You never lived in any run down house. I spent as much time with all 4 of you kids as I could. I had all of you reading by the time you were 4yrs old by making my own books to help you learn. I taught you how to clean, do laundry and to cook. I taught you how to back up a van with a horse trailer hooked to it, so that you could do anything once you started driving. When we moved into that big house on Hwy 59, I was so tired when everything was moved and mostly unpacked I filled up that big jacuzzi tub and got in and both you and your sister were teenagers and got in with me. We were so close, we were best friends, at least I was. I didn't lie to you, I always told you the truth but you wanted to live in a fantasy world instead and recented me for being so honest. I thought you would grow out of it. It's fine to write fictional stories but to rewrite your whole life is not right or dealing with things. We all love you!! Your brothers, your sister and me and Bill, we all love you.

1. Seth and I split up. He asked me to come live with him in Sacramento, I said no. Les and Helen also offered to let me live with them. I said no. As I recall you offered to pay my way out to come and see you in part because you felt that a break would help Seth and I work on things, but also because you and Elisha were having surgery and you needed someone to help take care of you both, since Kyle was gone, Talon was in school and Bill worked to support you. AND you wanted to see your only grand child. I have always thanked you for paying my way out. YOU didn't sell anything. Talon sold his X-Box to help me. I have always thanked the kids for pitching in. But don't make it sound as though you went to so much trouble on my account. I needed space to breathe and you two needed a live in nurse, cook and house cleaner. Which I did! I also pitched in for groceries. I did laundry. Helped out with the animals and the farm as well. Let's not forget how much money I gave you and Kurt to help pay bills and buy food while I was 15 and still lived at home. I have always done more than my fair share for my family. And I never complained about it. Pretty sure if you could learn to do the same, you'd be a much happier person.

2. At that time Seth had NOT cheated on me. And you did not encourage me at all when it came to making my marriage work. You and Bill and Elisha yelled at me the night that I left to get him from the airport. You made me cry and feel like the worst person in the world. Even though I knew what I was doing was the best thing, I was making my marriage work. My husband was trying to make our marriage work. I will never regret that decision. You even took me to the elders in the congregation because I (At 23 years of age) wouldn't do what you told me to, just because I lived in your house. Which was to divorce Seth and take full custody of Caden. I'm not a heartless witch like you. Seth loves Caden and is a good dad. I'm very sorry that you have always been too quick to harbor a grudge to see that. I will NEVER remove Caden from Seth's life as long as Seth chooses to put Caden first. Get that through your thick skull!

3. Seth looked hard for a job. The night he arrived he spent the whole time throwing up from the flu, and then went out that morning to look for a job. Which he did the entire 6 days we were at your house together. He applied EVERYWHERE that you or Bill or anyone else suggested. You just assumed he didn't want to be there, and wasn't actually looking. The sad thing was that he really wanted things to work our for us there with you and Bill. He wanted me to have the support and love of my family, since he'd had it for all the previous years. He wanted to get to know all of you and make it work. But YOU assumed, and YOU lied and YOU kicked us out. YOU chose to make things as hard on us as possible.
As I recall you waited for a time when Bill was out of town, then all of a sudden YOU couldn't find your checkbook. Instead of asking for help looking for it, you assumed Seth or I stole it. You and Elisha cancelled your checking act, and then had Bill come back early. You waited for Seth and I to LEAVE JOB HUNTING, and then you went through our room. You saw the obvious signs that we were still having sex, and decided to really make things rough. You and Bill sat us down and kicked us out. You gave us the number to a HOMELESS shelter, and then said that you would keep Caden. While we packed our things you and Bill and Elisha had a mini party in your bedroom WITH CAKE! You never once came out to help or say goodbye when you had the chance. We were right in your house so it wouldn't have been an inconvenience, IF you really loved your grandchild. Then what did you expect us to do? We went and stayed 2 nights with a friend, but since Seth already had an apt and a job in California, with a boss who wanted him back SO badly that he paid our gas and motels for the way home (Sounds like Seth is the kind of person who refuses to work pfft) We chose to go back to California. Why would I expect Seth, or even want to myself, to stay anywhere near you after that??

4. I mooched money off of everyone using Caden as an excuse??? 1 brother from your congregation gave me $50.00 for gas to help me with my job hunting. And I told him I would pay him back, but he said it was a gift from him and his wife. Sounds like I just robbed everyone blind!! Let's not forget that SETH'S BOSS PAID FOR OUR WAY HOME!! And his parents also loaned us money (That was paid back years ago) so that we could see some fun sites on our way home.

5. How can you even say that I never let you have contact with Caden after that? You never called. You never wrote letters or emails to him. I even sent you an email with a copy of his Kindergarten picture asking you to let me know if you wanted a real one because I had saved the 8x15 for you. And YOU never responded. When Caden and I came out there last year to say goodbye to Grandpa I allowed you to spend as much time with Caden as possible. You were the one who didn't allow us to come and visit you at your house, and refused to eat lunch with us when we drove through YOUR town on our way home. Don't try to play this game with me Mother Dearest. I have all of my cell phone bills and emails spanning back from the last 4 years, and I can back up everything I say.

6. You claim I am angry with you for working 4 jobs to support us kids. How much sense does that make? First of all YOU ARE THE MOM. You are the mom who CHOSE to marry the DEAD BEAT!! It was your job to support us. What you want a cookie?? A medal?? You chose to have children, and you never let any of us live it down that you could have been a famous horse trainer if you hadn't have gotten knocked up. Guess what?? Men plan and God laughs. That's right. Life doesn't go as planned. Do you think I wanted to become a mother at 19? NOPE! But I made the best of it. You will never catch me saying or thinking that my life would have been better if it wasn't for Caden. I am an amazing person, and it's in thanks to Caden. He is an awe-inspiring child. And that's due to Seth and I being grade A parents. Sorry if that's too much for you to wrap your head around but the proof is in the child himself. And let's not forget how hard I worked as well. I had a paper route when I was 11, and I also spent my summers working with you at the horse ranch. When we moved to Oklahoma I got up at 4 am to help Kurt deliver the mail, then I went to school, then I worked with you at the Grocery store, and then I went back to work with Kurt delivering mail. When we moved to Arkansas I got a job waitressing. Then at 15 years old I went to school to get my CNA license. When I couldn't find a job right away doing that I worked 2 jobs waitressing. Then I worked 40+ hours a week as a CNA. Then when you had your car accident I quite my job, that I enjoyed and went to school for, so that I could work at the bank with you and be able to drive you back and forth until you were healed. And every time you or Kurt asked me for money I gave it. I bought my own clothes and sundries as well. I even bought groceries. I worked hard for my family. I gave all of you everything I had. And as a very sad and depressed teenager, I did the best I could.

7. You never lied? You were always our best friend? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. How about telling me that my real-dad molested me JUST so that you could have a scriptural divorce and be able to remarry? How about faking "Hang-Up" calls while I was home alone, and telling me that my real dad wanted to kill me so that I was so scared we "Had" to move to Oklahoma to be safe? How about blaming an entire group of people for forcing you to marry Kurt? Pretty sure NO ONE forced you to marry anyone, especially not the day after your divorce was finalized from my dad. NO ONE would have encouraged you to marry or even date someone if your divorce was not finalized yet. Especially since you already had 3 kids. How about the fact that you KNEW Kurt was trying to mess with me? You once called me his "little whore". So you KNEW that he was trying to get into my room at night, you knew that I was the one sneaking out to sleep in the horse trailer at night, you also knew what would happen when you stopped sharing a room with him, and had me go bunk in the water heater closet ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE, while you share my bed with my sister. Because you knew he had rape fantasies, you also knew he had sodomized a young boy and molested his half sister, but you did nothing to protect us. You once told me that if I beat him up in self defense of one of the times he hit me, that you would call the police on me. Because you needed his SSI to pay the rent. With a best friend like you who needs enemies?? As far as I am concerned you are just as guilty for his actions as he is. Oh I know that you claim you were making plans to leave him! You just needed more time. But what were your plans again??? Oh that's right. You wanted me, at 17 years old, to co-sign on a mortgage loan for a house with you. Why?? Why, when you could have easily afforded to buy a house on your own in town, did you need my help?? Because YOU wanted a house in the country. You looked right at me and said "I won't give up my horses. No man will ever make me give up my horses again." But what you meant was "No one, man or child." You were selfish. You chose your wants over the needs of your children. And you wonder why you never got that mother of the year award.

8. Do you remember what happened about 2 years ago when I called you crying because I found out I had the start of cervical cancer what you said to me? "That's what you get for having a cheating husband." And you wonder why I don't want you in my life.

9. You have even gone so far as to write out your sister, brother and parents from your life. Your parents who have GIVEN YOU PLENTY OF MONEY, to help you pay your bills. Or PAID YOUR GAS just so you could come and visit them. And what did you do?? YOU wrote all of them horrible letters telling them that they were bad people and that they were not allowed in your life. YOU also refused to help your dad out when he was dying in the hospital. Your siblings came from thousands of miles away to be there, and you couldn't even drive the hour to the hospital to help out your mother OR go to the funeral. All you could do was sew discord, instead of make peace.

You are a lying, miserable, pathetic excuse of a woman. I want nothing to do with you. I don't seek you out online and try to make you feel bad for yourself or your past actions. I learned to let it all go. I realized that as sad as it made me to have "Orphan status" I was happier in the long run without you being a feature in my life. I have always loved you, Bill and the my siblings. I have always felt a big gaping whole in my life that I do not know my siblings as adults. But all I can do is wait for the day Jehovah God opens their eyes to the truth about me. Instead of only hearing your constant lies and assumptions in their ears over and over and over.

Do you need more Mother Dearest??? Because I can continue. Are you going to have Elisha try to stand up for you next? There isn't anything anyone can say at this point, to redeem you. All you do is lie. And you do it over and over and over again to try to prove that you speak the truth. You try to make your memories everyone else's. You brain wash them. It's a sick and sadistic trait of yours. And it's why you will not have a relationship with your grandchild until you change. If anything happens to me FULL Custody goes to Seth. If anything happens to Seth and me, full custody goes to SETH'S PARENTS, Les and Helen. Or Seth's Sister and her husband. And next in line is our best friends KEVIN AND JENA. And no one is under any obligation from me to have you be a part of his life.

Get it through your head. I can sit here and be as miserable and as angry about my past as you can. I can find a million different ways to blame you. But I don't need to. My life made me the strong person and good mother that I am. Crap happens. That's just life in this system. But I will not allow it to continue. Until you can learn to take responsibility of your own mistakes and make HONEST apologies and changes, you and I are not family. You are not my mother.

And you need to stay out of my life.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Dear Deenna Baer and Elisha Covell

As you can see I have chosen to use your real names. If you want to try and call me out, then you do not get to hide behind the veil of anonymity. I have disabled anonymous comments on my blog. You can get a login and comment under your own name, or do what you should have been doing the whole time and stay off my blog. 

You chose to not have Caden and I as a part of your life. That’s your decision, and I don’t hold any animosity towards you for it. However, that doesn’t mean you get to come back in whenever you so choose, and in whichever manner you’d like. If you want back in my life that is MY decision.
And I say no.
Negative people, who hold on to anger and resentment, who refuse to forgive even the smallest error, with nothing better to do than try to make someone else feel bad, have no place in my life. And certainly none in my Son’s. I respected your choice, now you do the same.
If it was your wish to wound me with your comments yesterday, you failed. All you succeeded in doing was earning my pity for your ignorance. You do not know me. Not one iota. So you do not get to assume what I am doing or what my relationship with Jehovah God is. As the scriptures so clearly state “It is not up to you to judge.” It isn’t even up to you to place blame.
I am not going to bring myself down to your level and call you out on all of your idiotic comments. You’ve made your statements and I realize you are too stubborn to argue with. You need your secrets to be kept, and you will fight hard to keep them, and I want nothing to do with them or you. It’s not worth the fight.
You are not worth fighting for.
One day  Jehovah God will help you to see the error in your ways and I honestly feel bad for you. But that’s all of my time and thoughts that you get. My job, is to care for myself, and my son. Emotionally, physically and spiritually. And I am doing such a good job of it, because I do not allow sludge like you to attach yourself to me.
Go and find another person to harass. Because if you try this one more time, it will not be my family that tears you to shreds. It will be me. And the knowledge, plus hard proof of everything you are trying so hard to keep secret from everyone else.

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Your most despicable Comment

Royal Responses:

I hope you now see that the only thing you have succeeded in doing is firming my resolve to keep you out of my life, and proving how many people love me and are willing to stand up for me.
I am a good person. With a good heart. My friends love me, and consider me family. But more importantly, Jehovah loves me and has forgiven me for all of my past mistakes, My conscience is clean. And because of that, I couldn't care less how you feel or view me.

Try to enjoy living your life, it will be much easier to do when you have your nose out of mine.