It's taken me all this time to realize you never once said you were scared to lose me. Those were my lines. Whispered and screamed on repeat. It shouldn't have surprised me when you left. When you could walk away with a cold finality. You weren't scared of losing me. You never saw me as a loss.
And I don't know what I'm seeing.
All of a sudden my dreams seem perpendicular.
The world can't hold me in.
You have a dark edge that calls to the predator in me.
Maybe I'll let it consume me.
Revel in it.
Or walk that fine glittering line that defines the darkness and the light.
My imagination tires of wandering the world for my amusement.
I'll paint my eyes in shining golds.
All the better to catch the sun with.
Make her whisper all the secrets that lay within her folds.
Then scatter them like ashes on the wind.
Laugh in the face of her tears.
Because I can.
Because it gives me a false sense of power,
and falling through the floor feels so much better when it hurts the most.
I could give myself to you, inspire my imagination for a night.
But it's so cliche.
I'm so much more mysterious when I walk alone.
I can pretend that you can't read me like sheet music played down my spine.
"So I will hum alone, too far from you.
All that I say now is nothing to you.
We will lie under different stars.
I am where I am and you're where you are, you're where you are."
Different Stars -Trespassers William
The way my hair curls and frizzes and becomes a tangled nest by morning's arrival?
How I lay in bed each morning, stretching like a cat in the sun, until I'm awake enough to get up for coffee?
The scars and tattoos, cutting in and out of my body, describing my life?
How about when I'm book hungover?
Or when the urge to discuss a medical journal is bursting out of me? (Would you fall in love with way my eyes light up and I talk too fast while I'm desperately trying to learn and explain it all?)
Would you think of me as a flame or a hurricane?
Would you love how my house stays cold so we can cuddle under the myriads of blankets?
If I asked you to build a doll house with me, would you be thrilled or annoyed? Would you love that time we spent together, or would it be a placation?
Would my love of hiking, pink, nature, sweet tea, writing, learning, animals, cleaning, singing, flowers, and making love, be too much of a contradiction for you to want to stay?
Or would these little silly things be what makes me matter?
I'm just a silly little bit of whimsy. Looking for a safe harbour.
He said he was scared of commitment.
But he had tattoos all over his skin.
I guess he didn't see me as a work of art.
Or maybe he didn't think the pain was worth it.
He said he could see a future with me, because I had a good heart.
He called me beautiful and kissed me on the forehead.
That's when the butterflies started.
He said he wanted to build a life with me, but you don't rush a good thing.
There was no better, more beautiful, pain in the ass, that made me see the regretted actions of being a lush.
He was the best, contrarily the worst.
Prayed before he ate, a blessing, but a curse.
Smile so devilish, warm at the same time.
Invited me into his heart, then fled the scene like the one behind the gun from a cold case crime.
He was beauty and he was beast.
He was never truth just deceit.
He was victory, he was defeat.
Love or lust I'll never know.
I was the perfect blend of joy and pain.
He sucked the pleasure from my bones.
And left when I was depleted.
He didn't see a life together as beautiful as I did.
I'm ready to be the sunshine, after all the rain.
30 years ago tonight, a meteor shower heralded my arrival. The Perseid meteor shower will be a classic, excellent show to view tonight as well. The shooting star spectacle peaks tonight, Wednesday, into Thursday morning, with as many as 90 to 100 shooting stars an hour. Grab a drink, a blanket, and go out beyond the city lights to enjoy this free show. My gift to you all.
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