Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Maybe I know you already, maybe I don't. Maybe you don't exist. This post isn't to tell you who you should be, this is to explain who I am.
The one thing I am so sick of hearing is "How could he leave someone like you?" Because, honestly, I know why. I don't tell you, because you'll assume I am just being self deprecating, when I'm actually being honest. You look at me and you see wide green/gold eyes and great boobs and you'll fall in love with what you see.
Then you'll talk to my friends who will tell you that I love taking care of people. That I cook and clean and have manners. That I am fairly smart, and sometimes funny. That my son is handsome and intelligent and very silly and kind.
On paper, I look like a catch. So how could my ex leave someone like me?
I won't sugar coat it. I put my husband through hell. He had to pay for the sins of a lot of bad people who had been in my life. (No, this doesn't mean I deserved to be cheated on and lied to. But this isn't that post. This also isn't me taking the blame for his actions.)
My husband's main complaint about me, the one that he had for years, the one that pushed him over the edge, and the one that no one else could see but him: I didn't share myself.
Don't get me wrong, I talk all the time. I write non stop. But you ask me what I'm thinking or feeling, or you want me to explain what my poetry means... I can't. All of a sudden the words dry up and I start to panic. My breathing changes and my heart races and I feel nausea. It's a problem. It's not ok. But that's my normal. Occasionally, if I am so worn out, and so broken down emotionally, the words will pulse forth in a torrent, and you'll find yourself drowning in a verbal vomit. But that's not healthy either.
You think that doesn't sound bad? I have more....
I wield sarcasm like a sword fencing master too. Nothing pushes someone away faster than a few quick witted jabs.
Monday, March 23, 2015
Stay in your lane
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Before and after of #MudFactor 5K 2015 and it really was #SeriouslyFun
I'm so proud of myself. I kept my momentum the whole track, I did every obstacle flawlessly the first time, and I enjoyed every minute of it!
I'm ready for the next one!
And if you're wondering about my makeup, I definitely put my #Younique to the test today. It's not only water proof, it's mud proof.
#MudFactor 5k obstacle mud run... we did it in 1 hour and 15 minutes. Can't wait for next year!!
Saturday, March 21, 2015
#GratitudeForward I love reminders that touch my heart. Forgiveness is key to living a happy life. Whether it's with your mate, friends or even family. To help me forgive, I try to keep in mind how often I'm forgiven without my knowledge.
I'm tagging @phyli91 today!
Off to Chinese with the parents. I love this view. #RiverDelta
Friday, March 20, 2015
"Every field wears a bonnet,
With some spring daisies on it.
Even birds of a feather show their clothes off together.
Sun's gettin' shinery,
to spotlight the finery.
Spring! Spring! Spring!"
Happy first day of spring.
Sooooooo.... I'm gonna be that person. #Divergent #DISAPPOINTED And yes, of course, #IReadTheBooks .....4 times. I will say, it was entertaining. And the company was incomparable.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
I had to re-share this post... I've been laughing about it for two days.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Without even trying you tear me a part.
Dismember me, limb by limb.
Then you stare, confused.
What do you do now?
No idea how to put me back together,
No desire to either.
Because that's to hard.
And you see, I'm not surprising.
Now you're bored again.
You want to move on without worrying about the mess.
Because the mess is always my job.
I wish my heart had doors to keep you out.
Strong locks with unbreakable codes.
So strong, I'd never know when you screamed through the peephole.
You remind me of why I stay behind my walls.
Why I made them so thick.
The immobilizing pain of being shredded is too much to keep receiving.
And you do it, because you don't know who you are.
You dig through me to find yourself.
There is no balm for this burn.
You don't look back as you leave me to bleed away.
And you don't even close the door on your way out.....
I can finally share.... My baby sister Elisha is engaged!!! Welcome to the family Henry. I always wanted another brother. ;-)
From now till August, I am running! Already booked up for 5 runs with my girls. I'M SO EXCITED!! #HotMomsRun #MudFactor #ColorVibe #DavisMoonLightRace #ColorRun
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Just finished a super simple #DIY I wanted a fun shirt to wear to the #MudFactor run on Sunday. I spent about $10 buying a white shirt, a stencil, glue, and dye. And TaDa!!! I love it! #ThankYouPinterest
#GratitudeForward The blessing that I daily thank Jehovah for, is true friends. My dearest friends keep in contact with me daily. They forgive me when I'm having a rough day. They will have the oddest conversations with me when I'm needing some intellectual stimulus. They pray for me. They lean on me when they need support. They call or text just to make me laugh, or just to hear my voice. They'll even join SnapChat just because some days it's easier for me. They love me unconditionally. They are my "brothers born in times of distress". And without their continued support and love I wouldn't be the best me. 30 days of gratitude and I tag @sugarnay . Even though I hate you, and you're totally going to suck at this.
Monday, March 16, 2015
#GratitudeForward I'm grateful to Jehovah for my job and my boss. On Sunday night, even though I felt bad about telling my boss Caden was sick and I'd need a day off, I had no worries about what he would say. To take a Monday off of work, during the busiest part of the season, is unfair to a work force. But my boss took it in stride. When I first got the call from the agency that I was needed at a CPA firm, I wasn't interested. But I went on the interview because I needed something and Jehovah blesses effort. The temporary position, became permanent. And even though it's been a hard learning curve for me, I have enjoyed it. 30 Day grateful challenge.... I tag @mrbowmansqueen You know what to do sis.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Fever, double ear infection, no appetite, and an upset stomach. Oooooh the joys of being a parent.
He was up all night with an ear infection, and he's been laying around with his cat all day. #SuperFastCaden #SecretAgentCATastrophic