Mistakes

Try as I may, I never seem  to learn.
My mistakes return to haunt me.
Reminders that I'm still not good enough.
They stand before me with judgement in their eyes:
"You're the reason no one stays. "
It hurts and angers me that I can't let them go.
They carry the faces of the ones I love.
The ones I've lost,  and who haven't left yet.
I know one day they will.
I only have so long to love them,  before they dissappear.
One day I'll be completely alone.
An island of my own making.
Will I even feel pain by then?
Will their words even ache my soul?
Their angry eyes,  able to shatter my heart?
Maybe I'll be a rock,  withstanding the ravages.
More than likely I'll be a puddle.
A fresh start is never possible when the past comes back at will.
Maybe one day I'll learn.
I know I'm not the only one,  who regrets the things they've done.
But sometimes,  it feels like it's only me,  who hates their face in the mirror.
I never became who I thought I'd be.
I'm still trying to love myself as unconditionally as everyone else.
Build me up and I fall apart.
This heaviness in my heart a constant companion.
Waiting to remind me,  that try as I may,  I never seem to learn.

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