Saturday, June 27, 2009

Bad day

I am in an uber weird mood today. For starters we woke up at noon. Which is really just ODD for us. But after that we went to Sonic and took Caden to the pool for a few hours, which he loved. But it just went down hill from there.

A few weeks ago we drove 6 hours to the southern tip of Cali to visit my family. My grandparents had drove out here from Arkansas for my Cousins graduation, and then one of my Uncles decided to get married in my Aunt and Uncle's back yard. (I can see why it is GORGEOUS!)
We had a great time! I got to see all of my family, and I am super big on family since I didn't grow up getting to see them often, plus share in two great family events. Today my grandma emailed me the pictures....of when they got back to Ark and had dinner with my mom and siblings.
I'm not really speaking to my immediate family right now due to certain issues I don't feel like thinking about right now, so it was slightly irritating to me to see pictures of them when I wanted pictures of my other family. I know my Grandparents didn't do it on purpose. They are not like that. And as much as I would like, there is no way I can find to blame this on my mom, lol. But it just did not put me in a great mood.
Then my close friends had a run in with their landlord. They had been away for awhile and had someone looking after their cats. Apparently that person came every day and fed and watered the cats but didn't clean the box. And the landlord "apparently" thought the place had been vacated, so him and some workers went to "clean it out." They did this by picking up the cats and THROWING THEM out of the house. (Down a flight of stairs) One cat did not want to leave his cat house so they threw the cat house down the stairs and then ripped the cat out of the cat tree and threw it against the wall. My friends came home a few hours later to find their house in shambles and their cats missing. We spent all day and found 3 out of the 5 cats. When we heard the neighbors report of what happened it made us all quite emotional. We still can't find the cat who was injured. I keep praying he is ok.

All in all it has not made for a very happy day. I wish I had some Vodka to be quite honest.
On a good note I am reading a great book. Jude Deveraux's THE MULBERRY TREE. Her heroine is much different than usual. It's a great pick me up.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Wilson Vineyard

So tonight we went to a family dinner at my husband's family's Vineyard. It is one of the prettiest places on the delta. ( People get married there, they have GREAT wine. It's just a nice, relaxing place to be.
Not as much family showed up as I had thought would. I took some great pics with my DSi and as soon as I can get them put on the computer I will add some to here.
We had a great time eating, drinking wine and catching up with all of the family.
My husband's Great-Grandfather was a farmer. He basically started tomato farming in Southern Mexico. And he started wine growing here in the delta. Many vineyards that you see have a rose bush growing at the end of them, that was a tradition started by the Wilsons.
One bottle in particular was very special...

It's a 2002 Late Harvest Chenin Blanc. This wine was created to honor His Great-Grandmother, Isabelle "Bella" Wilson on her 100th Birthday. Born in 1901, she came to Clarksburg with Seth's Great-Grandfather in the early 1920's to farm and raise a family.
All in all it's such a blessing to be a part of a family with such a rich history.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Right now my 3 year old monster is sitting at the kitchen table doing everything possible not to eat his dinner. Which is all the more upsetting considering that it is 9:45 at night and his bed time is at 9.
WHAT in the world is making me consider having another one?
I have to admit that he is way more behaved then most of the children I know. He didn't go through the terrible twos, he is respectful visiting family, doesn't cry during road trips and is nice to other children. It's when we are at home that he drives me nuts. He has more energy than I know what to do with, he can NEVER make it to the bathroom in time, he constantly back talks me, makes huge messes everywhere, and the worst part is it's all my fault. I wish I had the mental strength to force myself out, and just take him to the park. I know if he ran and played and got his energy out he would feel better.
I feel so bad for the poor kid.
If I could just GET some sleep... maybe that would help..

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Q. "What's an advantage to Major Depression?"

A. "You never have to make your bed, since you're always in it."

Wa Wa Wa.
There really are not many depression jokes. Not because Depression isn't funny. But because we are all too depressed to see anything to funny to laugh at.
Depression is hard. It's hard because it's an illness with no real symptoms or cause. No fever. No broken bones. Your not bleeding. You could have lived stress free with amazing parents and never had a bad moment in your life and still suffer from depression. And people who do not suffer from depression don't get it!! "Just look on the bright side." "Have more faith in god." "Spend time outside." "Don't get addicted to medication."
Every time someone says something completely idiotic I go through a wide range of emotions in a matter of seconds.
1. More depressed. It's so easy to think "Yeah they are right, what's my problem?"
2. ANGER. Who do they think they are telling me what I should do about MY illness? They don't know what I go through!
3. Pity What a small world they must live in if they think every problem has such simple answers.
Is it still fair that people think like that? No. Depression is real. it effects every single aspect of a persons life. It can make you sleepy yet you can't sleep. It makes your body hurt. It makes you throw up. It makes you freak out with panic/asthma attacks for no reason and usually at the worst possible time(IE, in front of a group of people you are trying to look normal around.) And yet there are no real symptoms. It's all in your head. No band aids. No Penicillin. No surgery.
Just you lost in the emotions in your head and you can barely understand it or the why let alone explain it to the people trying to help you.
Depression is a horrible painful sickness. It doesn't care if you are fat, skinny, pretty, ugly, rich, poor, loved or alone. It can effect anyone.
How do I deal with my depression?
I don't. I have no clue how. I survive my life every day, I can't remember the last time I actually lived it. I have good days. And then I have days that really scare me. One of the worst things for me is how I don't want to be alone and yet I don't feel worth it enough to ask someone to stay with me. It's a battle every day.
But at least I can fight this battle from under the covers.


Nikki is my best friend. That term gets thrown around a lot these days, but Nik really is. She has always been the constant in my life, my voice of reason, the person I look up to, the big sister I always wanted. When I think that Christmas means I have known them for 6 years it doesn't seem possible. Sunday was my 6 year wedding anniversary and I kept thinking "wow it's been so long." And yet when I think about Bo and Nik it just doesn' seem like it's been enough time. I feel like she has always been there. When I talk about her to other people sometimes I'll slip up and say "I have known her my whole life." And yet I haven't! I even remember the day we met. She was our apartment manager, and our dishwasher broke. So she came over to wait for the repairman. He came and went, and 9 hours later we were still sitting on my living room floor talking about everything we could think of.
And after that we would have the best BBQ's. Her brother in law would come home after a few weeks away for work, and he would buy steak and shrimp and let them marinade for a few days. Then we would all gather at Nik's house and she would make Suddenly Salad and I would make mashed potato's, and we would eat and play drinking games till we couldn't stand anymore.
Nik has always been the best person to talk to. She REALLY listens. And she makes jokes at all the right places. The craziest thing about Nik is how gorgeous she is. And she doesn't even know it!! And when she puts on makeup and does her hair she is such a knock out.
And when they got back from their baby makin trip and she was pregnant, we all joked about bad timing since she had just discovered mai tais.
Just a few months later, when she called and told me she had misscarried, I had moved 2000 miles away. All I could do was leave early from work and cry with her over the phone.
It seemed like such a bizarre twist when she got pregnant again and then I followed 3 months later. I wasn't scared at all. Why would I be? My best friend was helping me get through it.
It's really hard now that she has had another baby. I really thought I would be there for it. I kept thinking about how cool it would be to hold her hand while she pushed. And then look at Bo and say what a beautiful baby we have. I feel like I am missing a piece of me knowing that my sister has this little mini her and I have never held her at all. I didn't get to spend a few weeks and do laundry and cook dinner and help out like a real family does. And it KILLS ME! Cause Nik is my family.
The cool thing is how sometimes we will go a month or so without talking. And yet we always pick right back up like no time has past. I love that she loves her family even though they do the dumbest things sometimes. She totally gets it when I whine about my psycho family.
Friends you pick. Family you are stuck with. Sometimes you are lucky enough to have your family as your close friends. But when that doesn't work out, God makes sure you are surrounded by the family you choose.
I picked my family. And I count myself as being very lucky.

Monday, June 22, 2009


So it's 10:30 pm Pacific time and Caden is in bed and Nik went to bed an hour ago (we are in different time zones) and Seth is playing video games with Paul and I am BORED OFF MY BUTT! So I decided to write more in my blog....Usually writing is not a problem for me but I am in the oddest mood. Since about 5:30 pm I have been super grumpy and irritable. I had a few cysts on my ovaries in the early afternoon ( I have PCOS...PAINFUL!!) and usually that leaves me tired out of my mind and either ready to cry at the drop of a hat or ready to cut heads off of anyone who looks at me sideways. (Yes I know...You're now thinking sympathetic thoughts for my dear loved ones) Anywho either way...I can't think of much emotional things that I want to write about.
Except for my dear Pooch...Taicie. Taicie is part Jack Russel, part Wiener dog, part miniature beagle and part miniature rat terrier. She just turned 4 in April. Laugh if you will but it makes for one great dog.
Taicie only shares our life with one other animal. A loud mouthed seal point Siamese named Lilly. Taicie spends most of her day laying in the sunny spots around the couch, eating whenever she pleases, being petted almost non stop, constantly being fed treats, and snuggling under the blankets with us all night.
Some of her weird quirks are not eating when she is being watched, refuses to eat for days on end if we bring another dog home, snorting, havin bad dreams, getting INCREDIBLY constipated at random, she NEVER barks unless she is being wrestled with, she also likes to wrestle. She hates water, but is at least kind enough to stand completely still for the duration of bath time. She also has the largest nipples you will ever see on a dog. People ask me all the time if she has just had puppies. But no. she goes into heat, and sometimes even lactates. But try as I may she won't get pregnant.
She has been the best dog for my son, even though she can't stand children. All of our friends love her and we all talk about her and to her just as if she was a little fuzzy person.
Oh...and she LOVES to wear clothes. To the disgruntlement of my husband. But she really does. Sometimes when it is cold outside she will grab this little pea coat that I made her, so that she can pee and be warm.
She really is the best dog. And I love her to pieces.

Thinking Thinking

Ok so....Well my name is MissC. I am starting this basically due to my best friend and sister Nikki. We are putting our own site together to blog about mommy-hood, wedded bliss, family drama, bouts of depression and whatever else we feel like griping about that day. But until it's fully up and runnin I am going to blog here.