Another day still trying to move on.

Today was a long Monday.
Not even just because it was Monday and I had to work (Although I really do love my job!!)
I left for LA Friday after work and came home Sunday night.
893 miles in 3 days.
I am worn out but it was worth it. Caden and I spent the weekend with my Aunt and Uncle and my Grandmother who flew out from Arkansas. I haven't see her since last summer when Caden and I went out to visit them. We lost my Grandfather this last July. (While I was in the hospital having my surgery, so I was unable to make it to the funeral.)
Seeing my Grandmother was like a breath of fresh air. That woman means the world to me. If I could move in and take care of her full time I would do it in a heart beat. She has become so lost without my grandfather, I worry that she won't be able to see her way out of her grief.
Not that I need to say it... But along with a LOOOOOOONG drive with a 6 year old, it was also a very emotional trip. And then I came home to an empty bed. So of course I didn't sleep well either.
All of that combined with a long Monday made me want to come home tonight, and veg out on the couch with wine. I kept thinking "I will walk in, take my shoes and scrubs off, pour some wine and lay on the couch. I'll tell Seth that I need a night off and ask him to cook dinner for all of us."
Except that Seth doesn't live here anymore.
How do I keep forgetting that?
Divorce is such an ugly word. It means a long, slow death that kills you a little more every day. It finds new ways to stab you and make you bleed, always when you least expect it.
Thankfully tonight, Seth chose to stay until Caden went to bed, and so he had one responsible parent.
All I could do was lay in bed and cry.



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