Seeing Scars
Not all of my scars can be seen.
But close your eyes and you can feel them.
They pulse like rain under my skin.
Haunting my bones and all of the lovely corners of my memories.
I'm staring at a thousand little pieces,
each one is needed.
How to make them whole again?
I no longer know if I am worth rebuilding this time.
Looking ahead, and all I see are lack luster efforts of starting over.
Walls are either falling a part or getting thicker.
How do I let go without losing myself?
My life lays smoldering in front of me,
My life lays smoldering in front of me,
leaving behind more scars for me to try and explain away.
A haunting ache that trails behind me always.
Not all of my scars can be seen.
Some pale in comparison to the big gaping holes that never heal.
But I know them all.
They pulse like rain under my skin.
An attempt to feel alive.
An attempt to feel.
A luxury I can no longer afford.
And still....
Not all of my scars can be seen.
5 comments:
your scars can't be seen because they started when you were about 3yrs old and maybe younger like what happened to your sister and brother, but I got you out of there with the skin of my teeth, 2 lawyers that I barely paid off and 4 yrs of court and 4yrs of counseling. I worked nights and fought for you all during the day. I love you, I know your hurting. Pray with your soul, Pray to the true Creator, Pray until you can't cry no more and then pray to come back and to come back clean and we will help you to be whole, as whole as can be right now.x0x0x
And I will pray that Anon will find a soul and realize how messed up she is. Take your XOXOXO and keep them for your minions of despair and leave C alone!
Dear Anonymous,
"Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way."
Romans 14:13
What you are doing is NOT helping her. You are the one who needs to take some time to go brush up on your scriptures because you are WAY off The Path right now!
Dear Anonymous,
YOUR child was molested and whether you choose to believe it or not, she was forever altered. It altered her as a child, and it affects her as a grown-up. YOU didn't have to go through it. You didn't have to deal with the fear, pain, confusion, and literally, breaking of one's self. Unless you were sexually abused as a child, as I was, you have no right to tell her how to feel, when she should be able to get over it or how to heal. Maybe if you had paid half as much attention to her when she was 3, as you do now, you would have noticed some grown man was making YOUR 3 year old daughter suck his penis. Maybe if you had been a better, more attentive, loving, Mother, your innocent 3 year old would have felt like she could have come to you and told you it was happening. To call your daughter out, in a place she calls her own, is not only disgusting, but it is very telling as to who you really are as a human being. If you really paid attention in counseling, you would know that a loving Mother would NEVER do this. Also? How DARE you make this about YOU, and all YOU did to make it better, and how hard YOU worked. It looks as if once again, your daughter is dealing with tragic, life altering events in her life. Just like when she was 3, and being molested, I'm sure she could use a Mom that is loving, caring, and waiting with open arms to lift up and comfort her in her time of need. You were a single Mom for a time, so you know how hard, confusing, and heartbreaking it is getting a divorce. But here you are, twisting the knife you so eloquently shoved into her back. Who are you to judge her? Guess who isn't there when Miss C needs her most? That's right, her own Mother...AGAIN.
If you are only here to scold, judge, call out, and quote scripture, go away.
Dear Anonymous,
If you don't have the balls to use your real name, then you are even a worse mother than I thought.
Quit it with the religious bullshit!!! And yeah, I was raised in "religion" and all it did was fuck up my life. When mothers like you will only spout about God, and pray, you sicken me. Where was God when your daughter was being molested? Don't give me the, we are all here to be tested. Right. I believe in none of it.
Screw you and the broom stick you are riding around on. I would do anything for YOUR DAUGHTER. But never, ever say the mean hurtful things you have said. She deserves so much better.
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