Sunday, August 22, 2010

La Coo Ka Ra Cha.

Do you know what that is? ^^^^^
It's a song.
It's also a naughty word in my family.
You see we live in the ghetto in Sacramento. Which apparently is "THE place to live" if you are a cockroach. That and Hawaii. What? You don't think roach when you think of Hawaii?
OH YES! Cockroaches love white sand beaches too!
They tend to avoid my apt like the plague however.
I am a neat freak.
I sleep with a bottle of bleach.
Go ask Nikki.
She went on vacation and came home to a house that was pristine! I cleaned the carpets and the furniture.
Cleaning is crack to me.
But because we live in Little Mexico, Sacramento, I have to deal with my worst nightmare.
Not a Pinata carnage.
Not a shortage of Tapatio at the Carniceria.
but
Cock roaches.
It's just not fair.
We had 2 of our close friends over for dinner tonight. We had great food, GREAT drinks and some gigglesnorting good fun laughing at the idiots on Wipeout and reading the drunken ramblings of The Queen and then The Duchess. (You can't read just one. The alligators will eat you.)
Said our sweet goodbyes and I come to sit down and catch up on all that I missed in the blogosphere while I was entertaining, and all of a sudden a roach struts along the computer desk.
WTH!?!
Does it not realize I wiped all this crap down a few hours ago with hot water and enough bleach to burn the little hairs out of my nose?!
What do I do?
"SSEEEEEEEETTTTTTHHHHHH!!!!!!
Come earn your keep!"
Which of course is followed by him looking at me like I'm an idiot, and then saying something as equally unhelpful as "Well Kill it."
"YOU KILL IT!"
Which results in a major sigh from him and HURRY IT UP from me.
So then he grabs my phone.
OH HELL NO!!!
My phone is sacred. It's not an over glorified bug squasher that's for dam sure.
Finally he grabs his flip flop.
That's right. My shoe is not a bug killer either.
Of course the little germ spreader sees at this point that death is heading towards him in a men's size 12 sandal, and takes off running.
Which is a good tactic as it stuns Seth for a few seconds wondering where to hit.
So when he slams it down, he misses and then that bug is flying.
Which is when I start screaming.
Cause I just KNOW, I KNOW, that little crap eater is trying to crawl up me.
BAD MOVE SUCKER!!!
Seth looks for opportunities to smack me with a shoe!
So it heads for the ground.
How do they survive jumps that are equivalent to a Human leaping off the Empire State Building?
Just more proof these little bastards are EVIL!
The view of me screaming, clutching my legs to my chest while sitting on a rocking chair, while Seth is arse in the air, under the desk with a flip flop wildly smacking at anything that moves, I can admit, was probly uproariously funny.
At the time I was sure I would be mauled to death by said bug or said flip flop.
When Seth felt IT was suitably squashed he popped up looking like the Cat who caught the canary.
It's just a roach Seth. Geeze, calm the heezy down. You only get awards for bug squashing if you can do it WITHOUT the show.


Tomorrow I will spend my morning bleaching out drawers and walls trying to make sure I remove any last residue of the Roach.
GO BACK TO MY NEIGHBORS! They probly brought you here anyways.....
God knows I'll have nothing better to do since my precious baby boy starts Kindergarten tomorrow.....
More on that at a later date.






6 comments:

Charity said...

eekkk! When I live on Oahu the dang things could fly. I swear they came from the main land by plane and then mated with the refugees from the banana boat and mutated into the giant flying cockroach. Even the geckos stayed clear of them!

JenH said...

Ugh i hate those ugly things! I would have done the exact thing you did! lol

Southern Sage said...

Florida roaches would eat sissified left coast roaches. We fight them for money, like dog fighting only better.

Diva said...

We scored when we moved to Portland, no poisonous snakes and NO roaches! In Texas they're so big they could carry my corgi away!

JoJo said...

Eeeeek I HATE roaches!! We get them all the time in NY! I'm petrified. I've woken JT at crazy hours in the middle of the night to destroy those fuckers!

LB @ brokenwoodenspoon said...

OH HELL NO! I'd shot the little bastard with my pistol. They give me the crippies crawlies.