Wednesday, December 21, 2011

It all started with a t-shirt.

I hope you've all been keeping up with the other Royals and our exploits out on the high seas.
The Dutchess thought she was playing in a Scavenger Hunt and really she just picked up my shopping list. You have to watch these broads... they steal your crap!!
PWT stopped being a legal genius long enough to catch a heli out to the ship, and then we caught her texting on her cell phone, rambling on and on about auto-correct, dead hookers... and I am pretty sure a few racial slurs. She started to cry cerebral-rape when we grabbed her phone and threw it over board. But the Queen put a bottle in her hand and she calmed down. So much for leaving the spoiled princesses on the mainland!!
In case you are not aware, the Royal bartender and I won a contest of sorts... We still haven't received our prizes yet. Which really isn't that surprising since the Queen jips us on our W-2's already, cheap twat.
The Royal Sister Wife decided to take over the Captain's position, because she felt that having the sluttiest captain's costume made it so. And of course no one was sober enough to ask her for a drivers license or learners permit or green card, so we ended up out in the middle of nowhere.... Which is how this story begins...

Being lost on the ocean isn't so bad... unless you have a bunch of drunk/high old woman. The Queen assumed that since she can "Witch Water" she can navigate by the stars... Which consisted of us mainly sailing in circles trying to catch the brightest stars. It wasn't until morning came and the Dutchess saw my tshirt, that all hell broke loose. I should known better....

^^^That was my t-shirt^^^
Yup, you guessed it. The Dutchess said it was a sign from Willy to go home... to whore island. I really should have stopped her... but we spent all night in circles chasing stars and trying to figure out why Dutch was throwing crap into her big purse, that I thought "What's the worst that could happen?"

Dutchess piloted the boat.

I'm pretty sure she has no sense of direction in the rare times that she is sober...
However she did find Whore Island.


Shocking??? Yes and no. 
Anywho once we arrived the Queen decreed that we start up a local campaign to raise booze money  to show we come in peace.


It went over quite well with the locals.
They even painted my portrait as a going away gift


As with all good things, what happens on whore island-stays on whore island.
I can tell you that after the night we had, it caused the Chief of the Whore Island Hookers to erect some signs up around the zoo:


We had a lot of fun, helped a lot of hookers, and I even came home with a zebra for my collection!









5 comments:

Dutchess said...

I am a woman of many talents! And I ALWAYS do what Willie says. However, I think the damn zebra is giving me the evil eye and creeping me the hell out!

The Queen said...

That fucking Zebra fought like hell when we stuck a pink flamingo on it's ass, strapped to the end of the tow rope, and told Chopper to take off! I hope Chopper lands right, I"d hate to see that son of a bitch end up in the gator pond.

And Honey child, you made an old woman laugh so hard first thing this morning.. I got a coffee nose douche!

Amy J said...

See you girls get to go to fucking whore island and I got washed up on Gilligans Island. I swear that Professor was so much hotter on TV no he just is a wrinkle ass. And don't let Ginger fool you. She secretly is dating Mrs. Howell on the side.

BUT....I did make some new Gin for the Queen featuring Coconut oil.

Dazee Dreamer said...

I think you should make all the hookers those T-Shirts

The Queen said...

You have been promoted.. your new badge is at the compound, and at the castle. feel free to pick it up and show it off.. Congrats baby girl.. We ALL love you from the bottoms of our glasses...bottles... brownie pans.. no no wait.. HEARTS..