Friday, December 30, 2011

How I got my crown.

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After much thought and  drinking  planning, I decided it was time to ask the Queen if I can be made a Princess. But she super wigged out on me so I did the next best thing and sucked up to Auntie Dutch!! I was still made to put it in writing as part of a formality however. (The Queen must have thought that no one would stay sober long enough to write a petition, but she hired me for my brains not my beer chugging abilities.) And before you could shake your ass twice I was declared a Royal and family!!


Now since I was not born into the Royal family PWT made me sign a petition stating that I would steer clear of her Beer Tab crown....

 I am pretty sure the hooker made me sign away my left boob with it.
But I decided then and there that I needed my own crown. I asked the Queen about it and she told me she wasn't gonna piss money away on something I could get at the dollar store, when it would probly just get swallowed by a gator in the first place. I tried to explain that we could insure it in case something happened, but  she got a phone call from PWT that sent her running and screaming out the door. Something about handicapped fish sticks and red rum... Sounded down right delish to me! So maybe that's why she flew out the door like her ass was on fire. Or maybe it's some sex position I am not familiar with... Either way I still wanted my dam crown.

The next day I was surprised with a party in my honor at the castle!
Auntie Dutch had even had the hookers make me a dress!!

What did you expect.... we spend all of our money on gin!! But I did hear that the Bartender broke into the Queen's personal stash of TP for the special occasion.

(She always has the good stuff!!)

The Lovely Dame rented me my own personal limo to parade around the Queendom in:


Even though the focus was on me, and me wanting a crown, we still managed to have fun and play games:
(It's similar to a game we played in High school called "Sex Ed")

The Bartender entertained us with some of the tricks of her trade:

I have to admit... Even without a crown I was feeling very Royal when the Queen broke out the Royal glassware to toast in my honor:


I even got a few gifts:
SO CLASSY!!

But I still wanted a crown. So the Queen sent all the drunkards out to find me one... And this is what I got from Dazee

She is pretty crafty with that knife. I can't lie.


And one of the John's brought me a throne:

But I am pretty certain the Queen is gonna steal that from me.

Finally our Royal Sister Wife told me that I needed to find my own dam crown and that it needed to be unique to me. 
Well I am the Princess VET......

So my crown is a peacock!


5 comments:

Amy J said...

LMAO! I knew you would love your Pimp My Ride Limo. Ain't that the shit girl?!

Did you get your new badge I made ya?
It is so special just for you!
Love ya hooker!

The Queen said...

I don't break out the good crystal for just any old hooker.. you gotta be a Princess to see that stuff come down from the hutch. We love you long time baby girl..

Dazee Dreamer said...

I think the sister wife totally hit the nail on the head by telling you to find your own crown. and I myself find it a very unique one. You better keep it under lock and key tho. I hear some of the royals might be after it.

The PWT said...

As first born I must step up to the plate here and say...

You can't have a peacock crown!

You know how The Dutch is afraid of swans? Well, I've just watched Kung Fu Panda 2 about 4 billion times this week and frankly...
...I will never be able to look at a peacock the same way again.

EVER!

I have officially added peacocks to my list of phobias which now includes: Zombies, Dentists, Clowns, Spiders, Feet, and PEACOCKS!

While I support your promotion 100%, I swear I will take a flame thrower to your crown if I ever see it again... depending on my mood, I may or may not give you enough warning to take it off your head!!

<3 YOU!

Sincerely,
PWT; The Empress of Everything; Future World Dictator; and you new sister!

Dutchess said...

You owe me big time niece skankypants.

Welcome to the inner circle, love ya lots, blah,blah, pass the goddamn hooch.