Thursday, November 18, 2010

Tales From The Bus


So as you no doubt have gathered I am now riding the bus to school.
Because of this I have a new story every day to share!
Today I brought a notepad with me....Because this will be my new thing....
Stories that will make you burst out laughing, scratch your head or want to smack someone.
I have to share this with you because
1)Stupid people are fun to laugh at.
2) I can't help but hear them all and if I don't share I will bust.
So sit back and enjoy:

This morning I heard a little old Spanish lady talking to another old lady:
"The school keeps getting mad at me! I tell them What you want me to do? They say Teach they kids. I say no. They not my kids. They joost my grambabies who leeve with me. I am not they mama, I refuse to teach them the sex. You know who's job it is to teach them the sex? They teachers. They want me to teach them they sex, then someone betta come teach me. It's been too long and I forget. Plus they do everything different now. Probly that too!"

At a bus stop I got hit on by two old men. (Old - 80's or older)
"You headin up to the Home Town Buffet? Sheet me too. They got some good food there good food. And it's a buffet. So everyone get's what they want. That's some good food too. Real country cookin.
Hey girl. GIRL. BLONDE GIRL....Wanna come to the buffet with us? I take you out and show you a good time with some good food."
In the bus the conversation continued:
"Yup I wanna go back to school. Make some money, plus the disability, plus my social security. I'll be vacationing in the Bahamas before you know it! I always wanted to be a doctor. But not a podiatrist. A general practitioner, cause then I can see the woman and them kids with their clothes off. Plus they make 70 bucks to ask me what hurts! Yup gonna be a doctor."

My last bus of the day was the icing on the cake. This woman was just wanting to be smacked for her ignorance:
"Stupid crack heads. They are what's wrong with everything. Weed is fine though. I don't mind people who do weed. Drinking is the only thing that I do. Ain't nothing wrong with that. And I ain't drinkin when I drive no more. Now that was a bad day. I just barely clipped that kid! If his momma had been holding his hand like she was supposed to he wouldn't have been in my way in the first place. The whole thing is really her fault! Parents need to hold those kids hands when they cross the st. Otherwise it is the parents fault that they get hurt. But the judge felt bad cause the kid couldn't play on the playground with his cast on. What Kindergartner needs to play outside anyways? Stupid dam parents. All these parents not takin care of their kids like they supposed to. When the judge gives me my kids back I am gonna make sure my parents are holding their hands all the time. Sheet. I ain't gonna be a bad parent like them."

Didn't I tell you??? Laugh out loud, scratch your head, and make you want to smack someone.
Stay tuned for more tales from the bus with me!


EnVii said...

i love it... that last one needs a smack of reality

Copyboy said...

Thank you judge!! haha. Oh and do you think the ladies know about HNT Thursday?! Love this bus stuff ;) And HNT haha

~*Jessica Rabbit*~ said...

ha ha, love the spanish ladies. I agree, someone needs to teach me the sex before I go and teach it to someone else. LOL.

And don't you just love when the old guys hit on you? It's like..
"okay, mr... You are like the cript keeper... shoo."

I'd hold the last lady down and let that little kid whack her with his cast, lol.

D. Scandal said...

haha, maybe someone should clip that drunk ass momma with their car and see what she thinks then!

Lord ah-mighty, people are stupid!

Tricia said...

One of my GFs and I took a gnarly city bus downtown one time. We sat up front by the driver cuz we're pussies.

This old guy hopped on and sat down across from us and proceeded to hit on it - WHILE PEEING HIS PANTS.

Seriously. We watched the puddle spread as he threw line after line our way.

Sexxxay said...

"cause then I can see the woman and them kids with their clothes off"

Wait wait wait... He wants to see kids with their clothes off... *barf*

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The Queen said...


bring the bus

Dutchess said...

Ummm...I think you got on the wrong bus. Move your ass and get on the Royal bus, as the Queen ordered, we are heading out on a road trip.

Bad Southern Girl said...

Hey Miss C! Loved it, had to read the stories to Hubby to hear his chuckle, and had one of those moments where I couldn't stop laughing long enough to read (with the spanish lady and the sex). :) Also, wanted to ask you about The Naughty List. Scandal mentioned that you put out a call for hostesses, and I'd love the job, if you'll have me. :) I'll try to find your email, but feel free to email me at badsoutherngirl 'at' mail 'dot' com if you don't hear from me first! :)

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