Friday, November 19, 2010

The Royal Vet is on a Road trip.

I was summoned to the castle by first The Queen and then The Duchess to let me know we were going on a road trip.
I told them of course I couldn't go....Who would take care of the animals?
They said bring them along! Of course I laughed.... Until I realized they were all baked. So I have been Vet-ing on the road. At least the monkeys were happy.

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I swear to beelzebub that when PETA hears about this I am going to steal some of The Duchess's "happy smokes" and let them deal with the crap storm.
The gators have their own bus though:

I was so pissed to see we were taking buses. SERIOUSLY!?! More buses...fan-freaking-tastic. But The Queen planned ahead for me:
 A poolbus and a cute guy.... And knowing her....The pool is filled with gin!
NO PEEIN IN MY POOL/BUS!!!

I saw the Princess slappin bumper stickers on the buses and giggling like a drunk idiot so I decided to put up my own sticker! It's my cardinal rule for road trips:
And seriously...who isn't going to listen to that? I'll just sick the gators on them.

I took a look at the map to see where we were headed, There was a huge red circle around this town:
Apparently it's illegal to make fun of certain city's names.... The Queen thought we'd be fine since we had a cop with us...Thankfully we had bail money, Although we are permanently banned from the town. Don't ask why....It's an epic fail.

Donda has been so out of it recently, we all hoped this trip would jolt her out of her funk. Apparently she got too funked last night however, because this is how we found her this morning:

Then, because Donda was out of commision, I had to help keep and eye on the Dutch... Who tried to run off 4 times to marry who she thought was Willie Nelson:

The hooker bit me!! Thankfully I was up on my rabies vaccine, but still...She got all foamy at the mouth and even growled a few times. I was scared!!! But "Willie" got away safe....This time.

When The Queen told The Green Eyed Bratt about the road trip she showed up in her SUV:
We told her we were taking busses and she sighed in relief. She said she didn't know how all her family would fit in her SUV. We all laughed... Not knowing what she was talking about.

Oh right...She's Mexican. It took awhile to explain, and translate, that this was a ROYALS ONLY road trip. Until one of them offered to make us burritos...And sneak us into their country for the good weed....Then of course they all had to come along!!

Oh and just to clear up that nasty tabloid story that aired...
We know it looks bad to have the kids bus parked at a strip club. BUT COME ON!!! Gas was $1.09!!!!

Oh and if you see one of these signs after we have left your town:

That would be the Dame...She has a sick sense of humor!
 

5 comments:

The Queen said...

OMG... My head is killing me after the big kick off party last night... Why oh why did you have to make me laugh so hard. It's really not nice to treat the Queen with a hangover like that..

Oh lookie.. the temp bartender has fixed me breakfast in bed..Gin and Tonic on toast...

no really, Coffeypot is bouncing this bus around so much.. she set it on a piece of toast to quiet the clinking.. too kind.. here's a tip..

Dazee Dreamer said...

I only wish I was part of the Royal Entourage. tear, tear.

-MissC* said...

Queenie how are you functioning after last night's party!!!!! And at a high enough rate to type legibly?!?!


Dazee...cook us all breakfast and you could become Royal Help for the day at least!

Amy J - Book Addict said...

What was bad is I had to sneak the road kill out there because you wanted to try and revive it! I told you it was dead and the gators were foaming at the mouth to eat it!

Liz said...

This post made me laugh so hard!!! The Mexicans picture had me rolling! I'm your newest follower :)

Liz