Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Is the devil gay? He is horny and flaming!

 I heard that on Last Comic Standing Last Night and just couldn't resist saying it. Everyone enjoys a bit of levity yes? I need it.
I am severely, down deep in the blue depths, depressed.
My car is gone. I don't want to write about this. But I haven't cried, yelled, or even stopped speaking to certain people yet and I don't know if that's good.
Sunday......
Sunday I was in some pain, but decided to go and play baseball in the evening with my friends. One friend who hadn't played before with us came to pick us up so he wouldn't get lost, and I was already irritated with Seth because
1) When he went to the store to get Gatorade he forgot ice. (I can't drink that crap warm!)
2) When I was trying to find our little ice chests for the drinks I realized Seth left them either a. At his dad's house after camping or b. In his old work truck which has been at his boss's house for awhile.
3) He had been whining about not being able to find his baseball mitt, and I had no clue where it was, and figured it was probly in the old work truck.....At his boss's house. Which is no where near close.
We all walked out and I went to our truck to grab Caden's seat, thinking in my head that I needed to talk to Seth about taking more initiative when it comes to remembering to grab certain things, or keeping his trucks clean. IE Not leaving our stuff in them for days on end. I was doing a good job of keeping calm and thinking of a respectful way to bring it up to him tonight when we were alone as I was walking to our friend's car to meet up with the boys. I got Caden's booster seat in and got him in and then as I was getting into my seat I looked over to see my car. Now some of you might remember how much I have griped lately about my car being broken. The transmission went out LAST July and my car has not run since. It has been one of the saddest things to me. I LOVE my car. It's exactly what I wanted, it was a gift from my dad (That I am still paying off!) and not having it leaves me trapped in a crappy apt, all week, with an energetic toddler. I have been reaching the end of my rope recently on not having my baby running.

So I was looking to give my sweet Montero a loving glance when I realized some camery was parked in my spot. The spot my car has sat since February.
Back track..... Last week I noticed some cars had orange "Soon to be towed" stickers on them, I made Seth go look at my car and it had one too. He promised he would talk to his boss, our apt owner, and tell her not to tow it. 2 days later I asked him if it was still there and if he has spoken to her. It was still there, but he had not said anything. I asked again the next day...Same answer.
I noticed my car missing.
"Seth, My car is gone."
All of us look. It's gone. My baby is gone. My stomach clenched up. My heart started racing. Tears pooled into my eyes. (Yes I know it's a car but it was Mine. My real first Car. That I bought shortly after Caden was born, MINE.) I have camped in my car. During bad times I slept in my car. My car took me accross country. I had so many things planned for when my car was fixed.
Then I did something I am not proud of. I got mad at Seth in front of a friend. Kevin is a close friend. Pretty much my husband's brother. But I don't like to air my business in front of anyone. I do not like to get mad at Seth with an audience. Especially not that mad. I didn't cuss, and in truth I didn't yell, and I really only spoke for several seconds. But twice I pointed out that my car was only gone because Seth broke his promise.
Now I know many of Seth's friends look at me as the woman who sits at home and does nothing. They are either not married, have not been married long enough, don't have children, or just don't know us well enough for me to care what they thnk. However some of them do feel that if I want my car fixed that I should get a job and help pay for it. Here's the Deal-i-o for any of them who feel this way and might read this blog:
Seth is the head of the household. He a) He does not want me to work until Caden is in school. And you can ask, I have fought him on this many times. b) It might be my car, but he made the arrangement with my dad to make the payments and keep it running. AND c) It's our only car. It is his responsibility.

I kept my mouth shut during the rest of the game, and I have to hand it to him, during the game Seth called his boss and probly got down on hands and knees begging her to get the car back. After the game he went and played golf with his friends. Before he left he did apologize, and told me the car would be back in the morning. But he knows me. I would stop being mad when I could touch my car.
Monday morning rolled around.... No car. I kept my mouth shut.
I came back from taking Caden swimming around 3. Seth was home and said he had some bad news.
The towing company that his boss had the contract with will not just give us back the car. His boss called and threatened to stop using them, but they apparently don't care. They went 500 dollars to bring the car back. They might drop the fee some, Seth's boss might pay half the fee, but we have to come up with the rest. And that's on top of paying to fix it.
We had already been trying to find a way to get me back home next month. I have some very close family members who's health is failing and I need to go and say goodbye. But to drive it's almost 700 dollars in gas, and to fly it's almost 1100 dollars.
I have no idea what to do. I am completely lost. Car commercials make me cry. But I don't want a new car. I want my car. My car and my car running, tagged, legal. Back with me.
"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
 I could really use a wish right now."
Not to mention if my dad finds out about this he will be so mad. And I can't deal with that right now either.
I'm mad at Seth. But it's more. I'm dissapointed and I think Ashamed.  His mother told me that he didn't want to give me money for so long because I could use it to leave him.... So now I have no idea what to think about this. I just can't believe he could, not allow this to happen...I don't think he would go that far, but maybe he is relieved..? I just don't know. But I am ashamed of myself for thinking that things were ok.
I just don't know anymore.
(Sorry about any typo's...I don't feel like re reading this right now to fix it.)

1 comments:

Nikki said...

Hugs babe, I'm here for you whatever and whenever. I'll be your scapegoat.