Thursday, June 3, 2010

I feel like I have been on a long journey...

....But I haven't left my house.
It's been more than a few days since I have written. Yes Nikki, I know that means I have been cooped up in my head and that's not good for me. I have had so much I have wanted to write about... and no will to write. So very unlike me. All of these thoughts racing through my head. I haven't slept in days.
I just don't feel like myself!  I know this could be part of my disease right now. I'm having side effects from that every day.... But there has been so much else too....
I got some bad news about my baby brother Talon. And it's breaking my heart. I spent two days crying about it...and thinking about him makes me want to cry even more. Maybe I shouldn't blame myself for the choices he is making now, but I do. And no one will be able to change my thinking on that.
I have been writing poetry in my sleep. But I forget it when I wake up.
I've been paranoid too. As if I'm hiding from a monster, but waiting for it to find me. I'm scared. But I'm brave.
My memories keep going back to when I was 13. The books I read. My dear cat. The tree I climbed every day. My bedroom. Young love.
(I should have waited.)
I wish I could tell myself what  I want right now, maybe then I wouldn't feel so lost.
Days are passing me by so quickly. With nothing in them to distinguish one from the other.


Nikki said...

Oh sweetie! You know you can call and talk to me!!!!

Hugs Sugar Cheeks.

Nikki said...

LOL that didn't come out right...I was torn between sugar and sweet cheeks...blame it on lack of sleep on my end too.