Thursday, June 3, 2010
....But I haven't left my house.
It's been more than a few days since I have written. Yes Nikki, I know that means I have been cooped up in my head and that's not good for me. I have had so much I have wanted to write about... and no will to write. So very unlike me. All of these thoughts racing through my head. I haven't slept in days.
I just don't feel like myself! I know this could be part of my disease right now. I'm having side effects from that every day.... But there has been so much else too....
I got some bad news about my baby brother Talon. And it's breaking my heart. I spent two days crying about it...and thinking about him makes me want to cry even more. Maybe I shouldn't blame myself for the choices he is making now, but I do. And no one will be able to change my thinking on that.
I have been writing poetry in my sleep. But I forget it when I wake up.
I've been paranoid too. As if I'm hiding from a monster, but waiting for it to find me. I'm scared. But I'm brave.
My memories keep going back to when I was 13. The books I read. My dear cat. The tree I climbed every day. My bedroom. Young love.
(I should have waited.)
I wish I could tell myself what I want right now, maybe then I wouldn't feel so lost.
Days are passing me by so quickly. With nothing in them to distinguish one from the other.