Thursday, June 3, 2010

Dear Baby Brother,

Dear Talon,
I feel like this is my fault, you following in my footsteps, making the same bad choices I did. I know you feel like an adult, but I can't help but believe that if I had done more to protect you things would be different.
I kept telling myself that because you lived at home with mom there wasn't anything I could do. But is that the truth? Mom always wanted me to take Kurt to court for what he did to me... But I didn't want to because that was your dad. And I didn't want you to lose your dad like I had lost mine. Was I wrong?
You have made choices that have ended your childhood. Now you have to be an adult even if you don't want to. And the only way I can think of to deal with it is to treat you like the adult you want to be. Calmly and kindly helping you to reason out the paths in front of you.
But it's killing me.
I want to scream and shake you! And tell you what to do until you do it!! You were my baby.
I taught you how to walk, and how to read, and potty trained you. You were the sweet little boy who snuggled with me while watching Sesame Street. And who could run in the backyard chasing the ducks and rabbits for hours. You made tents in your bunk bed and tried to ride the dog. You always had a smile on. And you are so musically gifted, you can play a song on the guitar just by listening to it.
You have always amazed me. And always been my baby.
And I hate it that you are so far away and all I can do is sit here and try to calmly talk to you over the phone. I want to scream and yell and hold you and cry.

I love you more than any pithy words could ever express.
Your big sis,

3 comments:

Eva said...

This reminds me of something I could have said to my sister a few years back. It tugged at my heart.

Bernadine said...

This is such a sweet post. I can see you love your baby brother a lot. I have two older brothers (a 41 year old half brother and another brother of 34 years old) and I love them to bits. :)

I loved this post. :)

Laina said...

awwwww...sorry to hear you going through a rough time involving your brother. He has to make decisions for his own life and deal with whatever comes because of them. You seem like you two are close...so just be the big sister that he needs. Show him love and support :)