Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Oh and FaceBook.

So I started a FaceBook. If you want you can look me up. My email is
Also I am looking for people to play YoVille with me. It's a fun way to pass the time. (Nik would so love it!!)
One thing first though....only a few close friends know about my blog, and only a few select people know about my health issues. SO...if you want to be a buddy with my on FaceBook I request that you keep my blogger life private. Thank you very much.
It just makes it easier to bitch about the people in my life on here if they don't know about it. lol

Been too long since I have been here.

~Blows Dust off Blog~
It feels like it has been a lifetime since I have written on here.
OK so the update on being on the Welbutrin... I am getting migraines that last all day. I swear I am taking excedrin migraine 4 or 5 times a day. I wake up with a migraine and I go to bed with one. Not even Vicodin kills this headache. And to top it off I get itchy rashes. (That's what the picture is of. The rash on my thigh. It's how it tends to look but usually a lot bigger and itch's bad!!) They will start on my foot, then move to my scalp, then my tummy...on and on. if that is not enough...I am NOT sleeping. I am taking two vicodin and sleeping pills now to try to sleep at night and I am lucky to sleep between 2 am and 7 am. (Which Jazz loves cause it means she has someone to stay up with her at night when she can't sleep and play cards with. LOL)
All of these things are side effects of the drug. I have an app next week with the DOC, hopefully he will be able to do something to help me.
Also....2 weeks ago I found out I have HPV. HPV is basically a prequal to Cervical Cancer. But my doctor is fairly certain that I have cervical cancer now. I have to wait till October before I can get a biopsy. Until then.....yeah I am really going to need the depression pills. haha. How apropos.
I can't stop crying. I cry at night. I cry during guardasil commercials. I cry when Seth leaves for work. Oh yeah....I am way more clingy to him. (Which he loves) All of a sudden I feel like when he is not here my whole world is spinning off it's axis. When he is home and all of a sudden I feel lost and out of control I just reach over and grab his hand and all of a sudden my world settles. It's nice but really weird for me too.
Honestly I really don't know what I'm doing right now. Each day is a haze. I'm constantly losing stuff, I will swear something happened and it never did. lol I have never been like this before and it is hard on me.

Oh yeah...I told my mom about the Cervical cancer thing...only cause I promised my Grandma I would keep my mom in the loop about stuff, even though she doesn't return the favor, and cause it's genetic and my little sister has never had a pap smear...And my mom said they main way you get it is due to your husband cheating on you. That it's from an STD. And my sister doesn't have to worry about it cause she is smart enough to still be a virgin at 22. Yeah....Seriously the only thing I can say about that is what an ignorant bitch. Either she really believes that BS or she is just a bitch who is purposely being evil. Now mind you she claims to have been given an STD by her second husband, and then 4 years later she had cervical cancer, So maybe in her case it is true. But I called her, while holding Seth's hand AND crying my eyes out, and that's what she says to me.
Ugh I'm too disgusted to write anymore about this now.

Monday, August 3, 2009


VOILA! I am now a brunette. lol. Well more like a burgundy brunette. But still...I have been blonde for 2 straight years....I got bored.
This weekend was mildly entertaining. Have I mentioned that there are 6 people living in my house? Three of them sleep on my couch. A couple, Paul and Jazz. And Paul's Cousin "Lumpy" No one calls him by his real name, and I am not quite sure what it even is.
Anywho...needless to say things are a bit stressful right now. Money is TIGHT! And that is putting it mildly. We are waiting on a JINORMOUS check to come in to pay off some bills and go to Arizona for a week to check out a job offer there. Until then it's hard not to be at each other's throats. My car died 3 weeks ago, as of yet I don't have the 2 grand it will cost to replace the transmission. So we don't really go anywhere. We swim pretty much every day to get the energy and anxiety out. But it's really easy to let the every day things overwhelm you.
Last night Jazz and Paul got into one doozy of a fight. Seth and I can see where both sides are right and wrong. And yet in this fight there is one side more in the wrong than the other. But we really try to stay neutral and only get involved when they get loud enough for Caden to hear. But still...Jazz is gonna go to her parents house a few hours a way for a week or so. No one can say for sure if she will come back or not and that's kinda scary. I don't want her to go.
But the one thing I have noticed through these last few months and all of the mini fights and such is how level headed Seth can be. He really sees the whole picture of something. I DON'T GET IT!!! This isn't the dumbass 18 year old I married 6 years ago. He is becoming just like his dad. Which I am the first to admit is AMAZING! But it's weird. I'm so used to being the adult, and constantly trying to get him to do the right thing. And I am very used to being the one whoe is always striving after personal growth. Here he is.....uber mature in a matter of moments. I am finding I respect him in a way that's very foreign to me. When we have imature moments here at the house Seth is the one who breaks things up and EVERYONE listens to him. He has this commanding voice and everyone just does what he says. It's kinda scary!
no it's really nice. He is 24 and he is more grown up then some people I know. I can't help but wish he had been this person last year though. It would have saved me from a lot of heartache. Perhaps I wouldn't have lost two good friends either.