Hmmm

I went to bed kinda early last night. But I woke up a few hours later. So I came out to the living room and watched 1st Season Heroes reruns.
Eventually though we started talking. Which we never really do. He has been...nice...the last few days since he got home. And it's kinda freakin me out.
So I told him how I felt. That I didn't want to do this anymore. And that I didn't want to be sitting her in a month or another year knowing that I had wasted more of my life on someone who doesn't care enough to change. And of course he does what he always does and lists a bunch of spiritual reason why we need to make it work. Which really only pissed me off more because he always does that when he knows he is wrong, Cause there really isn't anything I can say against it, and it's very hypocritical coming from him. So I told him the only thing I could say. That those are really pretty words that he has been using for years, but that he never does a thing to back it up.
Then he wanted to bring last year into the discussion. (Wrong move!)
He said that last year he was the only one who wanted to work things out. lol So I looked at him and said "Really....you want to go there? Think about it and tell me if that's REALLY the comment you wanted to say." And when he said yes I pulled no punches.
I mean really! How can you say that you are the only one wanting to work things out when you are out at clubs every night. When your cousins are helping you find strange woman to dance with. When you are living like you are single and you're not. When you told me that I needed to go and cheat, and with a woman, so that you would be free to file for divorce but also so that you can watch the free show. (How much sense does that make!?) I didn't want to make things work last year. I was done. But at least I can admit it.
He says he needs someone to help him get over his problems. I reminded him everything that I had done. And how nothing worked! He said that he needed to be able to talk to me more about some of his problems. But I reminded him that's on him. I had done everything to be there to listen, and he wouldn't talk or repeatedly lied. I'm done.
DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE.
And I told him.
He asked me if I wanted to move out and move back home. And I told him that I had been considering it for a while now. And then he made one very bad mistake. He told me I couldn't take Caden. Wrong move # 2. We agreed we would keep Caden out of this. We agreed we would always share custody no matter what. Not to mention that I took care of him for almost 3 months on my own without him, and still thought of him. Caden called him every night. Even when he was out partying or too drunk to read him a story. And I never once took custody away from him. And I sent his parents pictures and videos of Caden every chance I could.
lol I told him that since he is the one with the unproven track record he is the one who would not take Caden.
Which in the first place...is the stupidest part of the conversation! I have not decided where I will go...and even if I had it's still gonna take time to do.
I'm just so irritated. It was the stupidest argument. And I feel like he wasn't listening at all...which I am used to him not listening by now. But I told him that I am at the point where I don't want to be around him.
So of course today he keeps hugging me. That just makes it worse.

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