These feelings won't go away, They've been knockin' me sideways.

My theme song right now= Citizen Cope "Sideways"

Today is my first day on Depression Meds. I'm on Welbutrin which I have really high hopes for.It has no Sexual side effects and it can even help with weight loss.
today all I wanna do is cry. I have spent every hour possible in the pool. Playing with Caden and swimming as hard as possible. I feel like I am outrunning something emotional. But I don't know what it is and I am too scared to turn around and face it.
I was abused a lot as a child and a teen and the way my body coped with it was to hide in a book and forget all the bad. (thankfully I had a Grandma who taught me how to read before I was in school.) But because my mind blocked out all of the bad sometimes when I am under intense stress or when my life is relatively calm I will suddenly remember horrible things that happened to me. I hate it.
But at least right now all I want to do is be active. It helps Caden work out his energy and to him he has all of my attention.
Nikki and I have our website finished! www.bottlednonsense.com
Nikki has done an amazing job. Although it is no where near finished I love it. And I love what she wrote on the front page. We really hope that maybe our stories can encourage others the way others stories have encouraged us.
You know it ain't easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There's no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I'm telling you
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
They've been knockin' me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won't go away.