Why men are incapable of being complicated.

MissCrystal 12:33 PM 2 Comments Edit

So this week in class I have been studying the Reproductive System and it has been an eye opening experience. I also have some very interesting theories because of it. So sit back and enjoy a crash course in how a man's body works and why I think it makes them so retarded.

So in case you don't know.... This is what the man's reproductive System looks like. It looks pretty straight forward, it even sounds very straight forward: Produce hormones and grow some spermies. But in typical male fashion... They have to do it the hard way. With a complicated system of organs, glands, structures and tubes.
The testicles, while ridiculously looking, have two basic functions: Growin Spermies and makin hormones. (It's called Spermatogenesis.) They have a set of tubes called Seminiferous tubules, this is where Meiosis takes place to produce spermies, it is also where cells that produce androgens exist. Those androgens are what produce Testosterone. And we all know what testosterone does for men! Now so that I don't lose you... I won't go into ALL of the details for how testes develop. But let's just say it's a 4 step process all on it's own.

Many people don't know that Spermies have three parts. The head is it's brain, (duh) But it also has digestive enzymes that release when it enters the vagina and help the spermies penetrate through the ovum layers for fertilization. (So much for saying a Vag has teeth!!) Then its body is where its energy comes from, and it's tail moves it along. Spermies go through 3 different stages JUST to become spermies.

Now we all know that the scrotum (Who comes up with these horrible names!?) is where the testes live. But it works hard to keep the testes at a temp just slightly cooler than the body, if it doesn't, then the testes can't make spermies. The scrotum has a muscle called the Cremaster muscle (Ya... a dude totally made that one up) and it can hang em low if they get too hot. Or suck em back up if they get too cold.

Next up is the Spermatic Cord. This cord is what links the Testicles to the rest of the body. It's a tube, but it has all sorts of blood vessels, connective tissue structures, nerves, lymphatic vessels and the vas deferens. All of these bits and pieces work to keep the testes at the right temp, without having the body lose any heat. (It's a super cool process... But seriously... like 10 steps long!) The spermatic cord is basically the heating blanket for the testicles.

Probly the funniest part of all this is the Structure. Or more importantly the Names of the structure.

There are two layers of connective tissue called VAGINAL TUNICS (Yes you read that right) that surrounds the testes and the spermatic cord. The thin inner layer is the Visceral Vaginal Tunic, also known as the PROPER vaginal tunic. And then the outer layer is called the Parietal Vaginal Tunic. Or the Common vaginal tunic.

Ok Timeout.... What scientist, when naming the penis, said "Sorry to leave you out wife. You can name these other pieces." I'm just sayin.....

These tunics form sacs that encase EACH testicle and the spermatic cord. Then beneath those "sacs" are the capsules that also protects and supports the testes. (It's like a Serta Sleep Number bed in there!!)

At this point I realize why men feel the need to nap all the time. If I had that much going on in my body I'd be tired all the time too.

Once Spermies are all produced and ready to do their job, they get sent to a storage site called the epididymous. (And in true male fashion, that is also a 4 step process.) The cool thing about the epididymous however, is that while it lies along the surface of the testis, if you were to stretch it out... it would be about 20 feet in length!! So spermies stay in the epididymous for about a week before they are mature and can be ejaculated.

Speaking of ejaculation... It's the job of a muscular tube called the Vas Deferens that sends all the little spermies down the slip and slide. (I won't try to explain how. Per usual, it's long and complicated.)

Most people don't know that when ejaculation occurs, it's more than just spermies that come racing out. It's mostly secretions from the accessory reproductive glands. These secretions are mostly an alkaline mixture that helps to counteract the acidity of the female reproductive tract.

At this point I could tell you about the Urethra, the seminal vesicles, the prostate glands and the bulbourethral glands... But I think you get the picture of just how complicated men really are.

Now we get to the penis. The penis actually has 3 parts. The roots, which attach it to the brim of the pelvis, The body which is mainly made up of erectile tissue, and then the Glans or tip of the penis, which is full of sensory nerve endings. Last but not least is the erection and ejaculation stages of the penis... Which I feel no need to explain, as it is long and has many steps. I think by now you get the picture.

Are you tired yet? Just thinking of ALL of this happening all the time, since men are constantly making spermies, is REALLY tiring.

It's made me realize that this is why men are so uncomplicated. Who could be THIS complicated on the inside and on the outside? So when your man is staring off into space, and you ask what he is thinking of, and he says nothing... It's probly true. His brain goes into pause mode to help conserve energy while all of this is extra stuff is going on.

This is where woman have it all figured out! We are thinking ahead before we are born! All of our eggs are fully developed by the time we join the human race. Then we don't have to waste energy growing eggs the rest of our lives! Do we look like chickens? NO! We have to waste enough time taking care of the men in our life, we don't have that extra energy to expend.

I mean really... none of our issues start until spermies get into our eggs and then ruin our bodies.

So in conclusion... Men = Uber complicated. This is why they don't think before they act/speak. Why they are constantly trying to sleep/relax. It also explains why they never ask for directions, they are OBVIOUSLY hard wired to do things the most difficult way as possible.