Saturday, February 12, 2011

Who am I?

Genetics. DNA. All of these things that make us who we are. We are half our mother and half our father. But it's more than our hair color and how tall we get. It's who we are. Our genetics, the parts that are half our mom and half our dad, they also decide if we are good with tools like our father, or enjoy cooking like our mom. If you have siblings, then some parts of them are more like your parents then you are. That's genetics. It's why children who grow up without a parent feel a need to know that lost parent. We need to know what characteristic of us is like our missing parent.

I always hated myself for not knowing my dad, and not being like my mother. I just wanted to be like her so she would love me more, and so that I can understand her. But no matter how hard I tried, I never could be like her.

Eventually I not only became myself, but I learned to love who I am. Even when I feel lost, and alone and I don't know where to turn... I still see my good qualities. It's so hard not to wonder where I get them from.

Genetics. Half my mother and half my father. And they are each half of their mothers and half of their fathers. Which means my grandfather's and grandmother's qualities are in me. Fortifying me.
And then I know where I'm from.

I'm my Grandmother's daughter. I have her strong hands. I have her ability to love anyone. I have her heart, the one that makes her fight like crazy for any friend or family member. The one that gives her the strength to tell you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not, and then hug you because she loves you that much. I have my Grandmother's ability to love and forgive over and over. I have her sharp hazel eyes and her memory. Her love of music. Her desire to know God. Her desire to be loved. I have her strong attachment to our family, and our family story. I have her inner strength, the strength that helps her carry on day after day, whether she is sad or hurting. I have her ability to laugh and cry easily. All of these qualities that I love and admire so much about my grandmother, she gave to me.

I didn't get to know my grandmother till I was a teenager, and then I was only able to be close for a few years. But now, as an adult, I can see what she gave to me. She made me who I am.
And I am so proud to be her grand daughter. The same way that she is proud of me.


The Queen said...

I went in and got a DNA transfusion because I don't want to be like either of my parents.. ones a total controlling ass-shit and the other is a spineless pussy whipped douche-harper.. either way.. I lose,, so.. I had a DNA transfusion. I'm hoping it was from an ape and an ass.. would be a better combination

Laina said...

Well, this is a beautiful tribute to your grandmother and I'm glad you had such a meaningful connection with her. Something to look back on with a thankful heart. Genetics and DNA will always be a part of us, but that doesn't mean we are destined to be our parents. I am like my mom in many ways but in many others I am nothing like her. I've never met my father so I don't know what he's like. But I don't care. He abandoned me, so to me, my mother is both my mother and father. Bottom line is we are who we want to be. And there are those in our lives we want to emulate and look to them as an example to better ourselves. And you be the wonderful you for your child to look up to and emulate :)

Kage said...

your grandmother sounds like a great lady. i know she'd be proud that you turned out just like her :)

DCHY said...

A good way of looking at yourself. I like that. :)

Just Jen said...

Queen~ Where did you get that DNA transfusion? I need one, too!!