The Royal Vet: Princess CB and her Flamingo.

Some of you might remember that right before our Princess CB ran off to places unknown. she requested a Flamingo and the Queen granted that request. 
What I never shared with you is all CB's preperations for her Flamingo.
Why am I doing this now?
Well because CB has requested (For the umpteenth time) that I give her a list of how to take care of her flamingo. I print it out all the time!! I have taped it to her cell phone, taped it to her bottle of gin, put it in her makeup bag, and even glued it to her smokes. 
But she keeps asking for it!
So I am going to post the pictures, and also her list here..... 
I betcha she won't forget it now!

When the request was accepted by the Queen, CB and the Duchess headed to Vegas.
Why you ask?
Apparently spending time at the Flamingo helps you prepare for owning a flamingo.

I know... I didn't get it either. But whatever.
She did come home with all sorts of Flamingo-esque apparel.
She even hired these two clowns to walk around the Castle wearing them.
She felt it would help the Flamingo feel more at home.
I am hoping she just loved this color pink.

I am still unsure as to why she bought this purse.....

It couldn't hold more than her phone and her eyebrow pencil!

She did come home with this SUPER cute Flamingo-Pink Car.
I wanted it SO SO SO Bad...
But to be nice I bought her this license plate cover for it:
And of course the Queen gave it it's own parking spot:

The whole Castle got into the arrival of the Flamingo!
So we decided to throw CB 
"Happy Flamingo Party"
(Yes it was just an excuse to drink....So?)

Donda got her this cute sign:

The Duchess got her a "Flamingo Drink Stirrer"
We tried to explain that the cup was not a Martini Mixer with holes for pouring....
But ya... The Dutch didn't get it.

The Queen got her this magnet:
But stated that it's only for the Flamingo!!!

I brought the cake:

Jen the Bartender knew CB needed to be gently led to the idea that she would have to clean up after her flamingo so she brought her this:

I'm still not sure we convinced her that Flamingo poop is not really pink....

Jen the Makeup Artist, as is her usual way, decided to go risqué:
After all... When have you seen a Flamingo into Bondage?
That whip was real too.

PWT picked up this sign for the driveway:
After all... Ariana doesn't need to kill the UPS guy for running over the Flamingo during his daily Gin drop off.

And Gucci brought the flamingo it's first airplane outfit:
....You know...For when it's flying.

The Dame decided to make it Royal Flamingo Week!

The Royal bratts put on a show:

And then the real entertainment began:

What happened after that is locked in the Royal Vault. 
But I am sure your imaginations can fill in the blanks.

Now for the rules of taking care of a flamingo!

1. No marrying the Flamingo.
I mean sure... He won't whine when you burn dinner. 
But do you know how hard it will be to get child support from a bird??

2. Keep the Flamingo away from gnomes.
It's an all out war over garden decorations... And they have no mercy!!

3. Synchronized Flamingo Swimming is cool...
But it's also animal abuse!

4. Your flamingo sleeps outside in water...
So you should probly return this.^^^

5. Flamingo costumes are just tacky.

And I WILL NOT wear them while feeding the flamingo CB!!

6.  Keep an eye out for places like this....

Their flamingo tastes gamey.

7. Remember If you use flamingo TP it might turn your Hooey pinker...
The whole castle thought they had an STD again.

8. Be aware of imitators!!
Your flamingo needs to keep it real ya'll.
No posers.

9. Flamingo's NEVER need plastic surgery


And last but not least....
10. It is now illegal in the state of Kansas to try to outdo the flamingo face with the platypus face, so deems the Queen.

This perp is currently undergoing a public flogging.

I think you're ready... In the Queen's own words...

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Gucci Mama said...

BWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Very very rarely does a blogger make me literally laugh out loud. You totally did. This is EPIC.

Of COURSE I got the flamingo her first airport outfit. Everyone needs an airport outfit!

Dazee Dreamer said...

That was the coolest post ever.

Ange said...

Haha, that was funny for sure.

CB said...

Finally... Now I won't forget!

Was that soooo difficult, I mean really all you had to do was write it and publish it on your blog for the entire world????

AWESOME hooker! My car... Um WIN. AMAZING!

Jen Sparkles said...

Funny!!!! I loved it.

The Queen said...

Gucci.. the last two she's done has made me laugh my ass off... the other side of the Queen..and now CB get's her flamingo back... I LOVE IT..

Daffy said...

Absolutely brilliant. And you may owe me a new laptop. LOVE the TP and I totally spewed my wine when I got to the REAL BOY. THANK GOD everyone is comparing that nuclear energy plant exposed radiation experiment to a duckbilled platapus and NOT just a Duck. Whew! Woulda had to kick some quackers with that one....

PWT said...

OMG!! ROTFLMFAO!!! That was frigging hilarious!! Great post! I was already laughing out loud when I got to the end and that just did me in. I nearly fell out of my chair. You need to be more careful, I'm not sure my insurance will cover that sort of injuries :D

middle child said...

And you are only the Royal Vet??? Surely you deserve to be their P.R. person too. Yes, you are THAT amazing.

Donda said...

I am really fucking pissed that the barbecue people stole my motto. And is it odd that I think James Spader is totally hot in the flamingo costume? I would tear him to shreds. MMMMM