Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Royal Vet: Gun Shopping, Google Bras and the search for a body guard!


So as you all know I have been looking for a body guard. 
I do need one.
The Gator's are really our first line of defense. 
Wanna take out a gator?
Take out their personal vet!
So I decided I should start carrying a gun.
Plus guns are cool. 
Duh.
I have been shooting since I was 9 and I rarely miss.
So why not?
Plus I could get something cute.......
And really, a cute gun is what I would need.
Because more than likely I will shoot someone. (Again)
And I need the judge to look at the cute little blonde girl, and see her cute little, possibly pink, gun and then look at the dumb schmeckle she shot and tell him to man up, he got shot by a girl with a possibly pink gun, he should run and hide in shame, not sue her.
Ahem... It could happen.
Don't make me shoot someone just to prove it to you.
Anywho....
I have this perfect image in my head of me in an evening gown pulling my adorable little gun out of a clutch and looking like a real BAMF. But since I never get to dress up... I need a holster.
And of course only a bra holster will do.
So I decided to Google image it and see what I found.
Which I of course now have to share with you!
ENJOY:


First up is The Bacon Bra. I am assuming it's inspired by Lady GaGa.
How this comes up when I am looking for a bra holster I can't even begin to fathom.
But there it is. My first thought is that she put all that effort into the bra, but couldn't be bothered to properly groom her underarms.
Blechy!


 Secondly we have the Boar's head bra.
Ok seriously... WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!?!?
If your husband brings it home you eat it NOT WEAR IT!
Especially not on your tatters. 
Any man who thinks that's hot needs to be stuffed and mounted.
And not in a good way.


Thirdly is the BACK BRA NEEDED.
How this makes the Bra Holster search I can't figure out.
 I have left the house in my PJ's, no makeup and hair in a pony tail to go to Walmart. 
I admit it.
HOWEVER.... Well there just aren't words... Because I would never go out in anything remotely close to that.


Now we can't forget that crab bra.
Honestly... It does look a little bad ass. 
Wonder if it comes in a DD?


The real life bra.
 Ok really now... What is the point of this?
I'll just go without a bra if you're gonna see it all anyways!!
Plus I think my boobs are hotter than those ones.


The Hand Bra.
 Now I actually think this is a pretty good idea.
My boobs always look great when I hold them up! 
So Victoria... Get your rear in gear on that one!

The Tattoo Bra.
 The first thought that came to mind was 
OUCH!
Secondly.... 
Man she has some Itty Bitty Titties.
I'd probly tattoo mine if they were non existent too.
Gotta have something to look at right?
Thirdly...
Where in hades are her nipples!?!



The Terminator Bra.
It's another take on the Hand Bra... But I think it might be bullet proof.
Which might mean gator proof too!
So if it has a gun holster, I'll take it!

At some point I was afraid of blindness from google bra images..... So I moved back to guns.
 I really want NEED a lady's revolver. 
Which got me this picture:

The turquoise and Cheetah print Gun is F-ing amaze-balls!
LOVE IT!
It's not real though.
Ya.
Apparently it's to make us feel safe, while not giving us any safety.
But I kinda think it holds booze so it's all good in my book.
Along with the blinged out grenade.

This Revolver is gorgeous. 

 And I do think it would be quite happy snuggled up under my boobs.


Now this... Well This is just pretty!
 It's also a blow dryer.
No... I am not kidding.




I did finally find a very pretty little Pistol that I think would look great on me...
It's a 40 caliber, medium frame Taurus. It's small, it's light, it has a gold finish with mother of pearl grips,
and it's also 700 bucks.
So I am pretty sure Seth will tell me to buy pepper spray.
And The Queen doesn't have enough underwear to auction off to pay for that.
So the search for my body guard continues!
Want to be my bodyguard?
Get the details here:




10 comments:

Ariana said...

omg girl. I was fucking laughing so hard with the tattoo bra. I did go looking for her nips too. Are we sure its a girl?

The Queen said...

omg girls.. you are posting too much gross stuff tonight.. between the hair cake..and the bras... I have to go bleach out my eyeballs..

-MissC* said...

That hair cake was too much.

Tricia said...

HA! Apparently we think alike because I just spent like 45 seconds trying to FIND tattoo girl's boobs!

Donda said...

You are one scary bitch!! But not as scary as the lobster bra!

Copyboy said...

You and a gun? lethal combo toots. C'mon, you really need one to battle gators? BTW...nice bras.

CB said...

I'm totally down for carrying a pink gun!!!!

I need one immediately... I think I had my carrying liscense revoked by my goddamn probation officer! Who knew that 'License to carry concealed' didn't mean 'License to kill'?

Damnit it all and the fine print!

Kimberly said...

Never knew guns could be so pretty! I can't decide which one I like the most. You always seem to crack me up... what came into ur mind when u found the bacon bra?!
Happy New Year Hun!
All the best,
Kim

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Love the bacon bra!

awesomeness13 said...

Is the crab and hand bra for sale?