Insomniatic Ramblings

It's 1:20 am and I am WIDE awake. YAY! Third night in a row. Hopefully tonight I'll fall asleep before 5 am. Since I have so much going on in my head tonight I guess I'll just blah blah blah it here.

I just finished reading The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons. If you haven't read the books you've probly seen the movies. I had been wanting to read them but I just can't stand reading a book when it's popular. So I finally started them last week. I think the second one was my favorite. It's all about the Illuminati. Who are so mysterious already! It was nice to get a sneak peak into them!
I know some people who were very shocked that I would read books like that since I have a very strong founded faith in the scriptures. I guess I just know what the truth is, so reading some fiction doesn't bother me. So many people get mixed up in confusion over what their religious group tells them is right that they get angry and assume that God  is a load of bunk. If you read the scriptures for yourself however, it's pretty clear cut.
There was a point made in Angels and Demons though, that made me think of things in a very different way. (I love it when a book can do that.) Back story...
I had a rough childhood, I was abused in every way by a step father and abused in other ways by my mother. I have always struggled with why God would let children get hurt. I know that there is a greater issue involved, the Sovereignty of God's name. And the Scriptures say that God hates to see his children suffer. But it was still so hard to understand. I'll Paste the scene from the book below:

Lieutenant Chatrand: I don’t understand this omnipotent-benevolent thing.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: You are confused because the Bible describes God as an omnipotent and benevolent deity.
Lieutenant Chatrand: Exactly.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Omnipotent-benevolent simply means that God is all-powerful and well-meaning.
Lieutenant Chatrand: I understand the concept. It’s just… there seems to be a contradiction.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Yes. The contradiction is pain. Man’s starvation, war, sickness…
Lieutenant Chatrand: Exactly! Terrible things happen in this world. Human tragedy seems like proof that God could not possibly be both all-powerful and well-meaning. If He loves us and has the power to change our situation, He would prevent our pain, wouldn’t he?
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Would He?
Lieutenant Chatrand: Well… if God Loves us, and He can protect us, He would have to. It seems He is either omnipotent and uncaring, or benevolent and powerless to help.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Do you have children?
Lieutenant Chatrand: No, signore.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Imagine you had an eight-year-old son… would you love him?
Lieutenant Chatrand: Of course.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Would you let him skateboard?
Lieutenant Chatrand: Yeah, I guess. Sure I’d let him skateboard, but I’d tell him to be careful.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: So as this child’s father, you would give him some basic, good advice and then let him go off and make his own mistakes?
Lieutenant Chatrand: I wouldn’t run behind him and mollycoddle him if that’s what you mean.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: But what if he fell and skinned his knee?
Lieutenant Chatrand: He would learn to be more careful.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: So although you have the power to interfere and prevent your child’s pain, you would choose to show you love by letting him learn his own lessons?
Lieutenant Chatrand: Of course. Pain is part of growing up. It’s how we learn.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Exactly.
Reading this gives me all sorts of thoughts on the subject. Yes I was hurt. But I have also been given the tools to deal with it. It's made me a much more competent person. Pain is part of growing up....It's how I use what I went through.
I know that God doesn't cause the pain, so it's not right to blame him. I can only believe that someday, the lessons I have learned will help me in my life, or help me to help someone else. And make the pain worth it.

I have been thinking of going back to school. It was a huge deal to Seth that I stayed home with Caden until he started school. Now my time is my own! I have done a lot of thinking about what I could do. I have a lot of medical experience, so the thought of becoming a nurse or working as medical personnel seems logical. But honestly the pay for medical sucks here in California.
I thought, too, about going to school for Web Design. It's something that fascinates me and I tend to pick it up really well. But I don't know if it's what I want to do for work.
It's been a long time dream of mine to work for the SPCA as a rescue officer. I have grown up with animals my whole life and feel comfortable with anything from Snakes to Horses. So on Thursday I am going to a local College to talk to them about their Veterinary Technician program!

Last night my left foot was really hurting and slightly swollen. Today I can barely walk on it. I can't get in to see my doc for two weeks so I might have Seth take me to the ER tomorrow. It really worries me. I broke the bottom of it when I was 17 and never went to the doctor for it. I really hope I am not going to be paying for a stupid mistake!
Lastly...The Royal Princess CB is picking out her new royal title! Go and vote!!!  Please vote for
PRINCESS CLASSY ASS. I came up with it!

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