Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Claustrophobia

Everything is so different now.
All of a sudden what was and what is has come into focus.
And the contrast is blinding.
I can't handle the claustophobia.
When did the cage door close?
How did I come to be on the inside looking out?
This is not what I wanted for my life!!!
 My independence is slipping from my grasp.
What a strange thing,
to one day wake up
and realize you have no control of your own life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last few days I have been really feeling caged in. I need out of this house!!! And not just on the weekends. But I also hate having to always go with someone. Two years ago this was not my life!!! I could get into my car and go where I wanted to when I wanted to. If I couldn't sleep at night I would throw on my shoes and go out for a run. Now my car has been broken for a year and I don't even have a safe enough neighborhood to go running in during the day. 
I'm going nucking futs... and fast!!!
So...I don't care what I have to sell or go without...I am getting my car fixed. Done. Then I am going to drive to river and run...whenever I want.
Seriously...is that too much to ask for? Anyonne who disagrees can try being in my place.
1. I clean house.
2. I take car of Caden.
3. I cook dinner.
Day in and day out...that's all I do!!!! On the weekends I go grocery shopping, and usually people com over.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
It makes me want to scream and brake stuff!!!!
This isn't me
...but somehow I let it happen.

1 comments:

Bernadine said...

It is bad when you feel cagged in all the time. I go to work everydag, cook and sleep in the week. Weekends it's the same old same old clean the house, do the washing and then sometimes go to pals. And then my day is over and so is my weekend. Then I wonder why I'm so tired in the week...

Don't worry Miss C we are in some way in the same boat!!