Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Claustrophobia

Everything is so different now.
All of a sudden what was and what is has come into focus.
And the contrast is blinding.
I can't handle the claustophobia.
When did the cage door close?
How did I come to be on the inside looking out?
This is not what I wanted for my life!!!
 My independence is slipping from my grasp.
What a strange thing,
to one day wake up
and realize you have no control of your own life.
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The last few days I have been really feeling caged in. I need out of this house!!! And not just on the weekends. But I also hate having to always go with someone. Two years ago this was not my life!!! I could get into my car and go where I wanted to when I wanted to. If I couldn't sleep at night I would throw on my shoes and go out for a run. Now my car has been broken for a year and I don't even have a safe enough neighborhood to go running in during the day. 
I'm going nucking futs... and fast!!!
So...I don't care what I have to sell or go without...I am getting my car fixed. Done. Then I am going to drive to river and run...whenever I want.
Seriously...is that too much to ask for? Anyonne who disagrees can try being in my place.
1. I clean house.
2. I take car of Caden.
3. I cook dinner.
Day in and day out...that's all I do!!!! On the weekends I go grocery shopping, and usually people com over.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
It makes me want to scream and brake stuff!!!!
This isn't me
...but somehow I let it happen.

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