Today is an off day for me. Well that's putting it nicely. Today is not at all going as planned. Mainly cause I had things to do. And yet here I am at 3:30 (HOLY SHIT ITS 3:30!!! DAMMIT 5 TIMES!!) I am still in my PJ's. But I am out of bed. Which doesn't really count. Cause I only got out of bed since Taicie threw up on my bed. Nap time started at 1:30 today for Caden. And I thought I would curl up on the couch with my blanket and watch a sad movie and get the tears out. But...my blanket has dog throw up on it. And thinking about it makes me feel too scared to cry. Actually it just makes me feel scared period. All I need is just the thought that my bed and my blanket is right there, ready for me to jump into at any moment. But right now it's not....and I am needing it....and it's not there.
Yes I know this is all just some surface issue and that there is something bigger going on here but I don't have my blanket and so I don't want to face any of it. I don't want to think about it. Or figure out what it is. I just want my blanket and I want to cry over some dumb movie so that I can trick myself into thinking that I only cried because of the movie and that now that I have cried I am ok.