Sunday, March 14, 2010

It's the 14th already?!?! NOOOOOOOOO!

Two more days and it will be the 16th and I will be heading back to Sacramento.
I'm not ready.
The last time I was here, I saw all of my family, visited friends, and traveled all over NW Ark. And yet....this visit I feel as though I am home.
I can't stand the thought of leaving Bo and Nikki. Going back to email fwds and text messages. I want to stay here. I keep thinking about having my own little place, Caden and Bailey starting kindergarten together, at the same elementary school my brother went to.
It just feels right.
But no. I'll be flying on Tuesday. Into a big city that I hate. Living in a huge apartment complex that makes me feel claustrophobic. My apartment that is ugly. To a life in general that threatens to drown me in misery.
As you can see....I'm jumping for joy.
However....I am very excited to see my son. I made a huge error in not bringing him with me. He would have had so much fun and I am miserable without him. He sounds so depressed when I talk to him on the phone and that little catch in his voice makes me cry everytime. I know that the moment I am holding him in the airport I will start crying. I can't wait! lol
Nikki says over and over again that just me being here has done so much for her. She feels like she has energy. She is wearing makeup and dressing girly. Her house is clean. lol I'm glad I could do things for her. Because she has done so much for me. She is always my soft place to land. I feel sometimes as though I take advantage of her listening ear.
This last week and a half I have smiled and laughed and felt loved and at home more times than I have in the last 2 years. And I have this big hole in my chest thinking about leaving.
I am really hoping that sometime soon I can come back here. Permanently.


Anonymous said...


When ever I surf on web I come to this website[url=].[/url]Plenty of useful information on I am sure due to busy scedules we really do not get time to care about our health. Are you really serious about your weight?. Research displays that nearly 90% of all U.S. grownups are either chubby or weighty[url=].[/url] Hence if you're one of these people, you're not alone. Its true that we all can't be like Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, and have sexy and perfect six pack abs. Now the question is how you are planning to have quick weight loss? [url=]Quick weight loss[/url] is not like piece of cake. Some improvement in of daily activity can help us in losing weight quickly.

About me: I am author of [url=]Quick weight loss tips[/url]. I am also health expert who can help you lose weight quickly. If you do not want to go under difficult training program than you may also try [url=]Acai Berry[/url] or [url=]Colon Cleansing[/url] for effective weight loss.

Nikki said...

Wow Anonymous you suck...I know its a random spam message and all but wow, not tact, didn't your Mama ever tell you not to make fun of someone for their weight?? Thats not the best way to sell your products...just saying.

MISS!!! Honey cheeks, I know your on hiatus since you have no net, damnit three times, but I'm still passing the Honest Scrap Award to you. You have to hold up your end of the deal when you get back. MWuAH