Friday, January 29, 2010

He's just not that into you....

One of my favorite Bloggers, "Confessions of a Twenty-Something year Old" Had a blog today that I especially adored! So I am going to copy it here and add some of my own personal insights.
And honestly if you are a guy and "Can't" read this, then go grow some balls.

DISTINGUISHING GOOD GUYS FROM ASSHOLES: When to say Fuck it and Move on.
1. If he doesn't call without you having to ask, move on.
In an era where 3-cent texts and free chat messengers have taken over good old fashioned phone calls, a guy who's willing to dial your number to make plans or just to say hi, says a lot about him- mainly that he gives a shit, and that you're worth his time. It's not that I'm oudated or non-supportive of text messages and Skype, but you're getting to know a person, not a cursor. On that note, a guy who calls or texts back more than 6hours after you called without giving a reasonable explanation is not worth your time. Of course, what's "reasonable" is for you to decide.

Some of mine include:
- My dog ate my it, and I had to wait for it to shit it out.
- I didn't know it was you calling (if you're calling from a number that he has, there is no reason why he shouldn't know that it's you).
- I didn't know you wanted me to call you back.
- I assumed you would call back.
- I was really busy at work (and couldn't find two seconds, not even on my way to the bathroom to tell you that).
- I have a new cellphone and I don't know how to use it.
- My fingers are too fat, and I can't properly use the keypad.

(This I completely agree with. Woman calling/texting men first is a relatively new concept. If a guy doesn't respond or at least start instigating conversations, then I can't see how he is worth anyone's time.)

2. If he doesn't text/call you at a reasonable hour, move on.
He's only into your vagina if he's:
- Texting/calling you at 2:00am asking what you're doing.
- Texting/calling you to ask whether you'd like to meet up after you've both been out for the night.
(This is just common sense. But I would like to add IF he only seems to carry on an actual conversation when you're discussing sex as well.)
3. If you're telling him everything about your life and he's not telling you anything about his, move on.
I am fully aware that most men like to live in the present, and are reluctant to talk about their past, but when it comes to serious relationships, look for a dude who's willing to tell you shit- past, present or future, if only to make you happy.
(Letting me do most of the talking is nice....revert to point 4 here....however when I am getting to know someone I want to REALLY get to know them.)

4. If he doesn't remember anything you say, move on.
He's either got Alzheimer's or is just not that into you.
(AMEN!)

5. If he continues to talk to a girl that's not his bestfriend even after you've expressed your discomfort towards the whole situation, move on.
In the third month of our relationship, B cheated on me with a girl and lied about it. When I found out, I flipped out and told him to cease contact with her immediately. He didn't, and 2 months later, after they had ended their semester of school, he continued to message her saying he "missed" her. Now, let me tell you something, even if he said that in jest, that's not fucking funny, and if I had enough balls, I would have stabbed him in the face and ended it there and then. But I didn't. And he didn't cut contact with her until a year later. A guy who knows and is willing to cheat on you does not give a shit about you and does not deserve your time.
(This is one of those things that I am a stickler with too. I am too jealous to handle this, and have been cheated on. But I also wouldn't make whomever I was with put up with it from my end. )

6. If he's an asshole to those in the service industry, move on.
The way a guy is towards waiters, valets, cab drivers, etc, says a lot about his character, how he was brought up, and how respectful he'll be towards you. After all, would you really want to be with a guy who treats other people as if they're beneath him?
(Ok this one I can't believe people actually need to be told this.!)

7. If he's unwilling to deal with your baggage, move on.
It's almost expected that by the time you reach your mid-20's you will have issues. C'est la vie. But a guy who is worth your time is going to allow you to cry on his shoulder, listen to your complaints, and attempt to say something comforting.
(Crying is normal for woman. We just want to be held and told it's ok. When we are done crying we are done. All we will remember is that you were man enough not to leave us or act like it was a chore.)
8. If there is no chemistry, move on.
I am a firm believer in Chemistry. The feeling is either there or it's not, and it should take about three dates to find out. That is not to say that a cultivated relationship is doomed to failure, it's just, well, I believe in Chemistry. I believe in first instincts. And I believe that by now, you should know what you want in a guy. Sandy had a good point when she suggested that if you really want to find a guy, you have to understand what you're looking for.

For me, I like a guy who opens car doors and pulls out chairs. I like guys who take me to coffee shops rather than bars, hockey games rather than museums. I like a guy who's funny to be around but also knows when he needs to be serious. I can't stand a guy who talks about his job 24/7, a guy who drinks canned beer from a cup, a guy who whines and complains, an idealist, or a guy who is extremely right-wing.
(Ok those are hers. Mine are a bit more relaxed. I want someone who realizes that when you are in a serious relationship you are agreeing to put another persons desires and needs before your own. Someone who puts as much interest into what I like as I do for him. Someone not addicted to Video Games. Someone who keeps what happens in the bathroom to himself. Someone who not only knows how to fix a car but actually does it when it breaks down. Someone who has a brain and uses it. Someone who, when things are very serious between us, talks over his life plans with me THEN his friends. Not the other way around. If I am, or am to be, in your life I would like to be one of the first to know.)

What do you think of my guys-you-should-probably-stay-away-from list? What would you add or delete? What are the qualities you want in a guy/girl? And if you're already in a relationship/married, what are the qualities that attract you most to your husband/wife? If your relationship didn't work out, what was the dealbreaker?


I would love to carry on this conversation... ^^^^^ What are your opinions?

3 comments:

Eva said...

That is a pretty awesome blog, and I loved that post. A deal breaker for me would be a guy who isn't willing to admit to our relationship in public. If he doesn't, then he probably isn't that into you.

Cheryl said...

Oh i wish you would have told me about this post! And then I would have added it to mine!

-MissC* said...

OMG! Are you serious? lol I hate to sound like a star struck teen but you're Confessions of a Twenty Something Year Old- Cheryl!!
I didn't even think you knew my blog existed let alone cared that I blogged about your blog! lol
I love your blog! Everything you write makes me die laughing.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog.