As most of you readers know I have been going to Carrington college this last year to become a Veterinary Technologist. I chose a private college because I would be done in 22 months instead of 4 years. It is an accelerated course but I study well and am a willing student, and knew I would be fine.
Unfortunately their policies screwed me.
For my surgery, I missed 6 days of school. But they count it consecutively. So according to them I missed 13, and their policy mandates that, even with Doctor's notes-Even with the fact that I turned in homework while absent, they must dock me a full letter grade.
They also say that once you are back in class you must take all of the tests you missed that day. I had one hour to complete 7 tests, all on subjects that I wasn't in class to know anything about. (It doesn't help that I already get testing anxiety.) And this school only cares about your core grades, your test grades. So I was pretty much sunk from there.
For this school, if you fail one class by even 1 point, you repeat the whole term. So when I went in to talk with my teachers yesterday they let me know that they wanted me to repeat. And that was my only option.
Repeating is rough. I would be in a different time schedule, which means losing most of my hours at work. I would also be with a completely new class, losing all of my friends. I would also be given harder tests and homework, and anything below a B on a test would automatically drop me from the program. (Even if it happened 2 weeks in, I would still owe them for the whole 6 month term.)
I have spent a lot of time thinking and praying about what to do, and my decision is to not return to Carrington College when the new class starts next week. 
I can't tell you how hard it was to make this decision. I love being in school. I love my friends. And most of all, I know how this school already works and I do not want to change and start over. But those reasons are not good enough.
I haven't given up my dream to become an RVT however. I have already started looking into the city college courses and am pretty excited!
It's hard not to feel like I have failed at something. To be honest, this has really only strengthened my resolve on what I want to do. I want to be an RVT. I want to work and specialize with Large Animals. (No Queen, that doesn't include gators. Sorry.)
Plus I am pretty sure I have gotten the best that Carrington College had to offer me.
I got an amazing job! With an amazing Veterinarian who really teaches me and helps me.
(BTW You all need to go and Like their Facebook page right now, for me!!)
I milked a goat:

I also have the most amazing friends.

Some of whom have become my family.

I'm sad that this last year of my life has come to an end with not much to show for my hard work. But I am excited to see what happens next! And I know that Nikki will be happy to have me back online, in the blogger world, and also having time to answer her phone calls!

But you won't make me or break me."
-Lil' Wayne


That phrase has been rolling around in my head a lot recently.
I have been having such a hard time with a teacher in my school who absolutely dislikes me for no reason that I can come up with.
The sad thing is that she has been doing it to other students for years. She has her favorites and the rest of the class she treats like dirt. Resulting in most of them dropping out.
I have tried to discuss it with her, tried to make it right, but she refuses to talk to me about it or even acknowledge that there is a problem.
It's been so bad that I have considered switching campuses.
One of the biggest things that has helped me is the fact that I was offered a job at a Veterinary hospital. I have over a year left in my training before I can be licensed as an RVT and after 44 hours of internship one hospital offered me a job. And I love working for them!
It helps me to stay focused and remember why I went into this line of work.
This teacher is just a bump in my road, and not only have I dealt with worse people than her in my life, I will continue to deal with people like her for the rest of my life.
I'm not looking for a fight, But I won't back down from her either. I am going to fight for what I want, and she can either help me get there or she can get out of my way.
She can love me or hate me, but she won't make me or break me.

Enjoy a video of my Mascot, the Honey Badger.
He's a pretty awesome little guy!
(**Warning** Video contains adult language.)

Please.

Ok, so your money isn't for me, and I don't need all of it.
Just some!!
I am doing the 2011 Doggy Dash.
Basically we all take our dogs and we walk 2-5 K. And then we enter our dogs into contests and we all have a ball!! You can check it out on their Facebook page here.

"Join the Sacramento SPCA for the 18th Annual Doggy Dash and Bark at the Park Festival on Saturday, June 4th in beautiful William Land Park. An estimated 5,000 animal enthusiasts will gather both with and without their canine companions to raise funds for animals sheltered at the Sacramento SPCA. For 17 years, two- and four-legged participants have attended this event, creating a tradition in Sacramento and transforming Doggy Dash into one of the biggest "can't miss" events of the year!
I know you all want to help save the cute little animals with me, however this is more for me.
You see my teachers have set up our own group. The RVT Army. And the more people I bring, OR the more people I get to donate under our team name the better I look to my teachers. No freakin joke.
PLUS... If we are the team who raises the most money then we get extra special prizes!!!
My promise to you is to video the whole thing so you can all have a laugh at my expense!!
So what you do is go HERE. Scroll down and enter the team name 
RVT ARMY
Then our company name is
VETERINARY TECHNOLOGY
Don't forget... This is to impress my teachers.... So I really do need all your money!

This week I start my finals. I have one every day for the next 4 days. They will basically decide if I go onto next term or not. I am so nervous. I was doing really well with testing, until we had our midterms. Not doing well on those put me (And most of my class) on academic probation. I have worked really hard since then and brought my grades back up. However, if I don't do well on finals my grades will drop again. The worst part is that if I am 1 point failing, in one class, I have to repeat the whole term. Which, due to scheduling, I won't be able to do. (Next term the class is in the evening instead of during the day) So I am a nervous wreck.
I love this class. Becoming a Registered Veterinary Technician has been my whole focus for the last 5 months. It's not only what I want to do, but for the first time I feel like I am becoming who I am supposed to be. School has been stressful and yet I have been so happy. All I see ahead of me is graduating with my classmates and doing a job that makes me feel proud of myself.
I didn't ever make a plan B. I've never failed at anything before and I just can't imagine what I would do.
I am trying really hard not to think about it, not to focus on it. Just breathe and focus on my tests. But I'm having bad dreams at night, reminding me that no matter how hard I work on not stressing out, I am still stressing out.

I hate feeling helpless.
I know, I know. No one likes that feeling.
But I think I am one of those people that really hates it more than the majority.
I was raised that if you needed something, you got it yourself.
And if you can't get it yourself then you obviously didn't need it.
I know this quality drives Seth right up the wall. Because I rarely come to him needing help.
I do it myself. And because of that I get  cranky, I throw my back out, or I piss someone off.
And if I can't figure something out I get frustrated and give up.
When, if I asked for help, I could have done it.
But with school it's different.
I am asking for help.
I even go to tutoring every morning.
And I am still failing one class by 6 points.
And what happens if I don't bring that 1 grade up???
I have to repeat the whole term.

It's frustrating for me to ask for help and still be failing.
And of course, as Seth reminds me, it really isn't all my fault.

I do my HW before it's due.
I do all of the assigned and extra reading.
I pay attention in class.
I turn in ALL of my HW.
I take notes in class.
I do about 3-5 hours of homework/studying per day.
I take my lecture notes to the gym with me and read them on the treadmill.
And yet.... Prepared or not, about half the test I don't know the answers too.
Somehow I missed that info in all of my studying, or wasn't able to fit the pieces together so that I could understand a question that was worded in a different context.

And it doesn't help that we get the lecture from one teacher, and then we get another teacher's test.
It doesn't help that we are so far behind that our Syllabus is non existent.
I wait every Thursday after class to discuss the following week's schedule with our teacher so that I can let my class mates know what needs to be studied, what HW is due, what tests we will have, and what we will be studying that week.
Some classes have had to be skipped altogether, and our teachers just give us the test for it as a "Take Home Quiz". Which means we have no lecture notes on the subject. And all I can do, after pouring over my 3 books, is Google the answers. The last test like that I still only got an 80%.
We rarely get study guides for our tests or our midterms.
One of our midterms was given to us 3 weeks late, and then we had to wait 2 more weeks to get our progress reports, and when we finally got them it was only our test average AND we only have 3 more weeks to bring those grades up.
Ya. I was ready to scream when that happened!
So I am frustrated, and feeling helpless.
That feeling I hate.
I don't know what to do.
It's hard for me to not feel stupid. Like this is completely my fault for not being able to figure this out. To fix this.
Now, tomorrow, I have to go into class early and sign a piece of paper stating that I realize I am on Academic Probation for the one class I am failing.
32 thousand dollars I paid for this class. And I will owe more if I have to repeat the term.

I know a lot of you will tell me I should just drop out and go to school for something else, but here's the thing....
I love my school.
I love my teachers, my classmates and what I am learning.
And I am REALLY good in this line of work.
I am only a first term student and the Veterinary office that I do clinic hours at once week is already talking about giving me a paid position. That has NEVER happened in the history of my school.
I am so happy! The skills that I am learning I know. I assist my Vet in surgeries already.
And I love love love this line of work.

So I don't know yet just what I will do.
Talking to my teacher tomorrow is step number one.
Maybe talking to the school counselor or the Dean will be step 2.
I am just not sure yet.

I just know I feel helpless and I hate this feeling.

Well school is school is school.
No, I really do love being in school.
So what is the issue you ask?
Well.... I can't quite put my finger on it.
I know it's partly me, and I know it's partly the school.
My teachers are out-of-this-world fan-freakin-tastic.
I couldn't love them more.
But they are swamped with work. And over burdened.
My program's director took emergency medical leave a few months ago and hasn't returned.
Our Dr who also taught, found out she was pregnant and stopped teaching.
Now we have 3 teachers and one new Dr trying to teach 4 classes. It's not enough.
They don't even have the time to tutor us.
A good portion of my class is not doing well, the whole class is behind schedule, and We will all find out tomorrow who is on Academic probation when we FINALLY get our report cards. (Which are about a month over due.)
I know I am not doing well in Chemistry. I think I will need to bring up my grade at least 5 points, but I have a month to do it in. If I fail one class, by even one point... I have to redo the entire term.
Needless to say, I am stressing out.
The sad part is that when it comes to the practical skills, the ones I use every week in my clinic, I am amazing! My vet, who gets my free labor in exchange for the hours the state requires me to put in, already wants to hire me. My teachers have told me that they trust me and show it, by using me in class.
But when it comes to cell biology, oogenesis, genetics and punnet squares... Well I get lost.
I have to keep reminding myself that I am not getting a Veterinary degree.... A Science degree.
I think I am probly one of the most prepared students in class as well. I always have the books needed, homework is always done ahead of time, and I always do the extra reading.
I just keep thinking What if I fail this term? I wouldn't get to continue with my friends!
I suppose tomorrow will tell.