Sunday, January 22, 2012

Mother Dearest,

Well you just couldn't let it go could you? You couldn't just call me and have it out, you had to keep being that traitorous knife in the back. You left your comment FOR ME, on someone else's blog, just so you could post it anonymously. Do you realize how childish that is? Do you think that gives you plausible deniability? Pretty much every blogger worth their words knows how to track an IP address. Consider that next time.

Since YOU chose to drag this on then let's get it all out on the table. You seem to think that the way YOU remember things is the only right way. But one thing you should have learned in your 50+ years is that No matter how flat you make a pancake there are always 2 sides.

Your comment was:
Bill and I, your sister, your 2 brothers helped you out when you were abandoned by your husband and your in-laws. We sold expensive items that we owned to help you come here. Your whole family pitched in and helped you out and then when you wanted your cheating husband to come here, we excepted your decision and tried to help him get a job, but as usual he didn't want to work. We reasoned with you two saying that you had to put Caden first and since Seth was the man of the house he needed to get a job and since you had your cna license that we would help you find work, hopefully part-time. We were all willing to take care of Caden, we love him so much and it tore our hearts out because you didn't want to work or stay, so you packed up and left as fast as you can without letting me or anyone else say goodbye. Your brothers and sister tracked you down as fast as they could so that they could say goodbye to Caden. You mooched money off everyone that you could using Caden to win peoples hearts so you could get back to California. Then you never let me have contact with Caden again. Why are you so angry when I worked so hard for you kids. I worked 4 jobs out in California so that you could eat and have a decent roof over your head. You never lived in any run down house. I spent as much time with all 4 of you kids as I could. I had all of you reading by the time you were 4yrs old by making my own books to help you learn. I taught you how to clean, do laundry and to cook. I taught you how to back up a van with a horse trailer hooked to it, so that you could do anything once you started driving. When we moved into that big house on Hwy 59, I was so tired when everything was moved and mostly unpacked I filled up that big jacuzzi tub and got in and both you and your sister were teenagers and got in with me. We were so close, we were best friends, at least I was. I didn't lie to you, I always told you the truth but you wanted to live in a fantasy world instead and recented me for being so honest. I thought you would grow out of it. It's fine to write fictional stories but to rewrite your whole life is not right or dealing with things. We all love you!! Your brothers, your sister and me and Bill, we all love you.


1. Seth and I split up. He asked me to come live with him in Sacramento, I said no. Les and Helen also offered to let me live with them. I said no. As I recall you offered to pay my way out to come and see you in part because you felt that a break would help Seth and I work on things, but also because you and Elisha were having surgery and you needed someone to help take care of you both, since Kyle was gone, Talon was in school and Bill worked to support you. AND you wanted to see your only grand child. I have always thanked you for paying my way out. YOU didn't sell anything. Talon sold his X-Box to help me. I have always thanked the kids for pitching in. But don't make it sound as though you went to so much trouble on my account. I needed space to breathe and you two needed a live in nurse, cook and house cleaner. Which I did! I also pitched in for groceries. I did laundry. Helped out with the animals and the farm as well. Let's not forget how much money I gave you and Kurt to help pay bills and buy food while I was 15 and still lived at home. I have always done more than my fair share for my family. And I never complained about it. Pretty sure if you could learn to do the same, you'd be a much happier person.

2. At that time Seth had NOT cheated on me. And you did not encourage me at all when it came to making my marriage work. You and Bill and Elisha yelled at me the night that I left to get him from the airport. You made me cry and feel like the worst person in the world. Even though I knew what I was doing was the best thing, I was making my marriage work. My husband was trying to make our marriage work. I will never regret that decision. You even took me to the elders in the congregation because I (At 23 years of age) wouldn't do what you told me to, just because I lived in your house. Which was to divorce Seth and take full custody of Caden. I'm not a heartless witch like you. Seth loves Caden and is a good dad. I'm very sorry that you have always been too quick to harbor a grudge to see that. I will NEVER remove Caden from Seth's life as long as Seth chooses to put Caden first. Get that through your thick skull!

3. Seth looked hard for a job. The night he arrived he spent the whole time throwing up from the flu, and then went out that morning to look for a job. Which he did the entire 6 days we were at your house together. He applied EVERYWHERE that you or Bill or anyone else suggested. You just assumed he didn't want to be there, and wasn't actually looking. The sad thing was that he really wanted things to work our for us there with you and Bill. He wanted me to have the support and love of my family, since he'd had it for all the previous years. He wanted to get to know all of you and make it work. But YOU assumed, and YOU lied and YOU kicked us out. YOU chose to make things as hard on us as possible.
As I recall you waited for a time when Bill was out of town, then all of a sudden YOU couldn't find your checkbook. Instead of asking for help looking for it, you assumed Seth or I stole it. You and Elisha cancelled your checking act, and then had Bill come back early. You waited for Seth and I to LEAVE JOB HUNTING, and then you went through our room. You saw the obvious signs that we were still having sex, and decided to really make things rough. You and Bill sat us down and kicked us out. You gave us the number to a HOMELESS shelter, and then said that you would keep Caden. While we packed our things you and Bill and Elisha had a mini party in your bedroom WITH CAKE! You never once came out to help or say goodbye when you had the chance. We were right in your house so it wouldn't have been an inconvenience, IF you really loved your grandchild. Then what did you expect us to do? We went and stayed 2 nights with a friend, but since Seth already had an apt and a job in California, with a boss who wanted him back SO badly that he paid our gas and motels for the way home (Sounds like Seth is the kind of person who refuses to work pfft) We chose to go back to California. Why would I expect Seth, or even want to myself, to stay anywhere near you after that??

4. I mooched money off of everyone using Caden as an excuse??? 1 brother from your congregation gave me $50.00 for gas to help me with my job hunting. And I told him I would pay him back, but he said it was a gift from him and his wife. Sounds like I just robbed everyone blind!! Let's not forget that SETH'S BOSS PAID FOR OUR WAY HOME!! And his parents also loaned us money (That was paid back years ago) so that we could see some fun sites on our way home.

5. How can you even say that I never let you have contact with Caden after that? You never called. You never wrote letters or emails to him. I even sent you an email with a copy of his Kindergarten picture asking you to let me know if you wanted a real one because I had saved the 8x15 for you. And YOU never responded. When Caden and I came out there last year to say goodbye to Grandpa I allowed you to spend as much time with Caden as possible. You were the one who didn't allow us to come and visit you at your house, and refused to eat lunch with us when we drove through YOUR town on our way home. Don't try to play this game with me Mother Dearest. I have all of my cell phone bills and emails spanning back from the last 4 years, and I can back up everything I say.

6. You claim I am angry with you for working 4 jobs to support us kids. How much sense does that make? First of all YOU ARE THE MOM. You are the mom who CHOSE to marry the DEAD BEAT!! It was your job to support us. What you want a cookie?? A medal?? You chose to have children, and you never let any of us live it down that you could have been a famous horse trainer if you hadn't have gotten knocked up. Guess what?? Men plan and God laughs. That's right. Life doesn't go as planned. Do you think I wanted to become a mother at 19? NOPE! But I made the best of it. You will never catch me saying or thinking that my life would have been better if it wasn't for Caden. I am an amazing person, and it's in thanks to Caden. He is an awe-inspiring child. And that's due to Seth and I being grade A parents. Sorry if that's too much for you to wrap your head around but the proof is in the child himself. And let's not forget how hard I worked as well. I had a paper route when I was 11, and I also spent my summers working with you at the horse ranch. When we moved to Oklahoma I got up at 4 am to help Kurt deliver the mail, then I went to school, then I worked with you at the Grocery store, and then I went back to work with Kurt delivering mail. When we moved to Arkansas I got a job waitressing. Then at 15 years old I went to school to get my CNA license. When I couldn't find a job right away doing that I worked 2 jobs waitressing. Then I worked 40+ hours a week as a CNA. Then when you had your car accident I quite my job, that I enjoyed and went to school for, so that I could work at the bank with you and be able to drive you back and forth until you were healed. And every time you or Kurt asked me for money I gave it. I bought my own clothes and sundries as well. I even bought groceries. I worked hard for my family. I gave all of you everything I had. And as a very sad and depressed teenager, I did the best I could.

7. You never lied? You were always our best friend? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. How about telling me that my real-dad molested me JUST so that you could have a scriptural divorce and be able to remarry? How about faking "Hang-Up" calls while I was home alone, and telling me that my real dad wanted to kill me so that I was so scared we "Had" to move to Oklahoma to be safe? How about blaming an entire group of people for forcing you to marry Kurt? Pretty sure NO ONE forced you to marry anyone, especially not the day after your divorce was finalized from my dad. NO ONE would have encouraged you to marry or even date someone if your divorce was not finalized yet. Especially since you already had 3 kids. How about the fact that you KNEW Kurt was trying to mess with me? You once called me his "little whore". So you KNEW that he was trying to get into my room at night, you knew that I was the one sneaking out to sleep in the horse trailer at night, you also knew what would happen when you stopped sharing a room with him, and had me go bunk in the water heater closet ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE, while you share my bed with my sister. Because you knew he had rape fantasies, you also knew he had sodomized a young boy and molested his half sister, but you did nothing to protect us. You once told me that if I beat him up in self defense of one of the times he hit me, that you would call the police on me. Because you needed his SSI to pay the rent. With a best friend like you who needs enemies?? As far as I am concerned you are just as guilty for his actions as he is. Oh I know that you claim you were making plans to leave him! You just needed more time. But what were your plans again??? Oh that's right. You wanted me, at 17 years old, to co-sign on a mortgage loan for a house with you. Why?? Why, when you could have easily afforded to buy a house on your own in town, did you need my help?? Because YOU wanted a house in the country. You looked right at me and said "I won't give up my horses. No man will ever make me give up my horses again." But what you meant was "No one, man or child." You were selfish. You chose your wants over the needs of your children. And you wonder why you never got that mother of the year award.

8. Do you remember what happened about 2 years ago when I called you crying because I found out I had the start of cervical cancer what you said to me? "That's what you get for having a cheating husband." And you wonder why I don't want you in my life.

9. You have even gone so far as to write out your sister, brother and parents from your life. Your parents who have GIVEN YOU PLENTY OF MONEY, to help you pay your bills. Or PAID YOUR GAS just so you could come and visit them. And what did you do?? YOU wrote all of them horrible letters telling them that they were bad people and that they were not allowed in your life. YOU also refused to help your dad out when he was dying in the hospital. Your siblings came from thousands of miles away to be there, and you couldn't even drive the hour to the hospital to help out your mother OR go to the funeral. All you could do was sew discord, instead of make peace.

You are a lying, miserable, pathetic excuse of a woman. I want nothing to do with you. I don't seek you out online and try to make you feel bad for yourself or your past actions. I learned to let it all go. I realized that as sad as it made me to have "Orphan status" I was happier in the long run without you being a feature in my life. I have always loved you, Bill and the my siblings. I have always felt a big gaping whole in my life that I do not know my siblings as adults. But all I can do is wait for the day Jehovah God opens their eyes to the truth about me. Instead of only hearing your constant lies and assumptions in their ears over and over and over.

Do you need more Mother Dearest??? Because I can continue. Are you going to have Elisha try to stand up for you next? There isn't anything anyone can say at this point, to redeem you. All you do is lie. And you do it over and over and over again to try to prove that you speak the truth. You try to make your memories everyone else's. You brain wash them. It's a sick and sadistic trait of yours. And it's why you will not have a relationship with your grandchild until you change. If anything happens to me FULL Custody goes to Seth. If anything happens to Seth and me, full custody goes to SETH'S PARENTS, Les and Helen. Or Seth's Sister and her husband. And next in line is our best friends KEVIN AND JENA. And no one is under any obligation from me to have you be a part of his life.

Get it through your head. I can sit here and be as miserable and as angry about my past as you can. I can find a million different ways to blame you. But I don't need to. My life made me the strong person and good mother that I am. Crap happens. That's just life in this system. But I will not allow it to continue. Until you can learn to take responsibility of your own mistakes and make HONEST apologies and changes, you and I are not family. You are not my mother.

And you need to stay out of my life.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Dear Deenna Baer and Elisha Covell


As you can see I have chosen to use your real names. If you want to try and call me out, then you do not get to hide behind the veil of anonymity. I have disabled anonymous comments on my blog. You can get a login and comment under your own name, or do what you should have been doing the whole time and stay off my blog. 


You chose to not have Caden and I as a part of your life. That’s your decision, and I don’t hold any animosity towards you for it. However, that doesn’t mean you get to come back in whenever you so choose, and in whichever manner you’d like. If you want back in my life that is MY decision.
And I say no.
Negative people, who hold on to anger and resentment, who refuse to forgive even the smallest error, with nothing better to do than try to make someone else feel bad, have no place in my life. And certainly none in my Son’s. I respected your choice, now you do the same.
If it was your wish to wound me with your comments yesterday, you failed. All you succeeded in doing was earning my pity for your ignorance. You do not know me. Not one iota. So you do not get to assume what I am doing or what my relationship with Jehovah God is. As the scriptures so clearly state “It is not up to you to judge.” It isn’t even up to you to place blame.
I am not going to bring myself down to your level and call you out on all of your idiotic comments. You’ve made your statements and I realize you are too stubborn to argue with. You need your secrets to be kept, and you will fight hard to keep them, and I want nothing to do with them or you. It’s not worth the fight.
You are not worth fighting for.
One day  Jehovah God will help you to see the error in your ways and I honestly feel bad for you. But that’s all of my time and thoughts that you get. My job, is to care for myself, and my son. Emotionally, physically and spiritually. And I am doing such a good job of it, because I do not allow sludge like you to attach yourself to me.
Go and find another person to harass. Because if you try this one more time, it will not be my family that tears you to shreds. It will be me. And the knowledge, plus hard proof of everything you are trying so hard to keep secret from everyone else.


Your comments:
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Your most despicable Comment

Royal Responses:






I hope you now see that the only thing you have succeeded in doing is firming my resolve to keep you out of my life, and proving how many people love me and are willing to stand up for me.
I am a good person. With a good heart. My friends love me, and consider me family. But more importantly, Jehovah loves me and has forgiven me for all of my past mistakes, My conscience is clean. And because of that, I couldn't care less how you feel or view me.

Try to enjoy living your life, it will be much easier to do when you have your nose out of mine.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Crash


You crash upon me like a wave.
And I, a lonely island of rock, stand and take the beating.
Your watery fingers bleed me dry of tears,
tearing me a part into tiny grains of sand.
Your mirthless wind howls insults at me,
crushing my need to breathe.
But still I stand, resolute to the end.
You purge your anger with each rush,
hell bent on sending me down to where
you never have to hear my sobs.
But like a miracle, I find the strength to stand.
Pieces of me are carted away with you,
stinging me with painful memories, that you crush with glee.
I bend and you hollow me out.
But I've not yet fallen.
I wait, knowing a day of peace must come,
this cannot be all that I am good for. 
I am meant to be held and cared for as a whole.
With all my sandy bits tucked in safe.
But still you crash.
Sending my heart into a forlorn state of weary.
How long can you roar and tear at me?
For as long as there are pieces of me left for you to crash into.




Sunday, January 8, 2012

Guest Post from: The Queen





I want to tell you just how "whole and unbroken"  Miss Boudoir is.